From time to time our readers send reviews, articles, comments, and little tidbits about there experiences with certain services. Recently we got one from one of our readers that we thought was rather controversial.  However as we started to survey not only our readers but began to ask questions in both our local market and our online markets we have found that this kind of response  to eHarmony is very common.  As we found out we have not only dropped them from our promotional markets but are working on removing them from our site.  We will be continuing to add new programs but review them thoroughly as we do.  We would like to share the email we received with you as a thank you and PSA to our readers.

Dear eHarmony,

I am writing to say thank you.  Of the dating sites out there, few promise the perfect match more fervently than your site.  I watched your commercials with starry eyes, devoured your promises of my soul mate, read the success stories.  I happily plunked down my credit card for a service fee three times that of other sites because I believed in your promises.  Allow with me please to share with you my eHarmony story.

First of all, thank you for refunding the second astronomical service fee that you took from me without my permission after only three calls and two swear words to your customer service folks.

Thank you for making me fill out three hours worth of questions about my preferences in a partner, which you mostly ignored in choosing matches for me.  I am willing to bet however that if you had asked, and I answered, just one more time about how important physical distance was to me, that you would have found me a few matches within my time zone.

But for you to really understand the depth of my feelings for you, eHarmony, you’ll have to be a fly on the wall for my fairy tale date with my perfect match, my according-to-you soul mate, John.

Our ‘guided communication’ was perfect.  His answers to my carefully picked out questions made me smile.

How often do you lose your temper?  Rarely, and it’s always in defense of a person I love.

In a relationship, how much personal space do you find that you need?  I’m comfortable with a partner having time for herself.  I think it’s good for a relationship.

I ask these specific questions intentionally.  The first because I have had a previous relationship with someone who lost his cool often and I don’t want to repeat that and the second because I am independent and though all men say that they like that, few actually do.  He passes this part of the interview and we move on to open communication.  I love eHarmony right now.  I already have my white dress picked out.  I wonder if I can be on your website with my perfect match…
John’s resume is good. Retired military officer, not too old; he enlisted at a very young age.   He’s working on his Masters degree. Divorced with 2 kids. Seems honest, easy going, considerate. Gets my offbeat sense of humor.  Check. Check. Check on my list so far. I wonder what colors I’ll pick for the bridesmaids???We have hours of email chatter after which, we decide to meet.

He drives 4 hours to meet me for coffee and then dinner. Funny how that 120-mile distance I set with my questionnaire takes so long to drive, huh?

Though I like him, I am cautious, set very defined “time available” from the start so he won’t get any hook up ideas.  I have my coffee ordered already when he gets there so I can pay for my own. Escape route in place. Emergency check in call from a friend scheduled so I have a bail out if needed.  Can you tell that I’ve read all of Dr Warren’s safety rules so cleverly outlined at every defining point of my correspondence with John thus far?

Here’s where my fairy tale comes to a screeching halt.  Carriage returns to a pumpkin.  Wolf enters.  Poisoned apple appears.

His first comment to me, while he is looking south of my face, is “I understand why you only have a face shot online because if you showed the world your body, you wouldn’t be able to keep the dates away”.   Hmm.. here’s a question I’d love to have the option to choose from a drop down right now.  “What color are my eyes?”  I promise you he has no clue.
Coffee takes an hour, most of which we spend talking about his ex… WHY? She didn’t cheat on him; she just HAPPENED to be talking to her ex-boyfriend for 5 years of their marriage and lives with him now. Take another sip of that calorie free double frap Mr. Gullible.

The worst is that he tears up when he talks about her and I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it! I’m scanning the other booths, looking for a tissue box I can push over his way, knowing that at any given second he is going to burst into a sobbing mess and I am going to have to console him.  Did I mention that I have NO DESIRE to touch him whatsoever because he does not look like his online photo, what exactly is RELY ID anyway?  So please don’t make me hold you dude.  You know,  “are you still in love with your ex?” would be another really swell question for you to add eHarmony.

He pulls it together enough to go to the restaurant. I’ve suggested Mexican because it’s the closest restaurant to where we are and I want this to end quickly.  I’m secretly cursing my friend who was supposed to call and check on me.  This definitely qualifies as an emergency!  Is my cell battery dead???Corona, por favor. For endurance or enough courage to bail in a bathroom trip. Either will do me.??Fast forward into dinner. He tells me how he has a bad relationship with his son because he drinks too much. Guess that answers the “could you be a good role model for my kid” question.  This question is sadly also missing from eHarmony’s perfect set of get to know you sentences.??Oh, and he doesn’t usually date women with children but I was “so damn pretty” that he’d make an exception. Uno-freakin-mas Corona please.

While he’s chewing, he asks me if I know how much money he makes. This is perhaps the worst line of all because as long as I’m not supporting you, I truly don’t care, though I can see why he needs all the selling points he can get. ??He tells me what Donahue would think of me.. and no I didn’t ask for his psycho analysis, nor did I check a box on the eHarmony questionnaire that said “please analyze me at your leisure”.??At the end of the meal, he asks for a dessert menu.. so I say, “are you having dessert?” And he says “No, you are.” Excuse me? Did I miss the time warp back to 1950? Did I not explain to eHarmony in enough variations what an independent thinker I am?I try to be polite here and suggest something he might like; he orders and spends the next few minutes trying to force-feed it to me. Has he been watching chick flicks all week in preparation for our date?  Was this on Dr. Warren’s guide for men? Are there girls that want to be fed off of some stranger’s slobbery fork? I resist the urge to stab him with it.  Mostly because I fear the Coronas have affected my aim.??In the car from the restaurant back to the coffee house, he offers me gum, which I’m assuming is because he thinks that I’m letting his face get within 2 feet of mine. Ain’t happening dude; you might as well keep the beer breath. ??He asked me out again, which I deflected like a champ.. “we’ll see.. I’ll call you”.. all the b-s that girls say when they are trying to get up the nerve to say: “the day after the day after NEVER or maybe after eHarmony matches me up with someone…anyone…worse than you.”

I “closed” our match from my blackberry on the ride home.  This is a feature that I truly love eHarmony. So, in closing, I’d like to express my deepest gratitude for sending me on the worst possible date of my single life.  You have lowered my standards, and made life easier on at least the next 20 men that I go out with.  Because instead of being compared to the super-hero version of wonderful that I had dreamed up in my head after watching one of your commercials, they’ll be compared to John.

Sincerely,

Perfectly Out of Tune
Anywhere, America