Hi Rachael,
I am in a relationship with a great guy. We’ve been together for almost 3 years. While the relationship is all good, it has become a bit routinary. I was wondering if you have any articles on spicing up the relationship other than the usual tips we always read about.
Thanks!
Carol
As you have mentioned, there are lots of ways to spice up your relationship. As you already seem to be aware of the more common techniques in spicing up your relationship, I will no longer touch on it. Instead, what I will share with you are some of the “riskier” ways to keep your relationship interesting.
1. Call less often
Women love to chitchat about almost anything. We do not think twice about picking up the phone to chitchat with a friend. We call them to tell them how our day went, what we ate for lunch, what our schedule is for the day, etc. We just love to update them with the details of our life.
With our girlfriends, this is okay. The friendship grows and this makes us closer to them. With your partner, however, this does not have the same effect. This is because men use the phone only when needed. For them, the purpose of the phone is to give and to receive information. So, if you are constantly calling him with trivial updates on what you are currently doing, this may come across as being needy and clingy.
What you need to do is to lessen your calls to him. When he notices that you are no longer calling him with your updates, he will be wondering what you are doing. And when he calls you to check in with you, he’ll be more excited to know about your day and he will be engaged in the conversation. Quality conversations always tightens the bond between the two of you.
2. Do not agree with him all the time
Engaging in verbal bantering helps you get to know your partner better. Keep in mind though that disagreeing and fighting are not the same thing. And disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing is also not good. It is annoying. It is okay, however, to disagree and engage in a healthy conversation about substantial things. This could be anything from politics and current news to what color the curtains should be.
While men are attracted to women who challenge them and can keep up with their pace, be careful not to make him feel stupid when you disagree. Avoid demeaning words and never make him feel like second rate. If you disagree on something, simply let him know your views and your reasons for them. Then, give him the opportunity to explain his opinion. Doing this will encourage you both to share your thoughts on a more personal level.
3. Have some time alone for yourself
If you are always together everyday of the week and you spend all your free time with him, you won’t have anything new to talk about and share with each other. Psychologists call this “habituation.” In essence this means that if you stay with someone everyday, you get used to that person and their presence no longer gives you a “feel good” feeling.
In addition, men like women who have their own activities separate from what they do as a couple. It is attractive. Make your own plans and do not even give him the option of tagging along. Doing this will make him think that you know how to have fun even without him.
4. Don’t be scared to say “We have to talk”
We all know that men dread hearing you utter “We have to talk.” But the fact is, keeping quiet about issues will hurt your relationship in the long run. You need to let him know when he has hurt you or when he has irritated you. Talking about these things early on will avoid a possible major blow up later on which could possibly break the relationship.
The important thing is to discuss the issues in a calm and fair manner. Focus the conversation on how you feel and discuss how he could help you solve the problem.
5. Show your love
There is a misconception that it is better to not show your partner how much you love him. We were taught not to put our hearts out on our sleeves so that our partner will keep guessing and we won’t feel so foolish if the relationship does not work out.
But the thing is, men love women who are clearly into them. He needs to feel special and he needs to know how much you love him. If you hide how you feel, he is going to think that you are indifferent and he may end up looking for someone who is not afraid to show him how much she loves him.
What is important is how you show your feelings and emotions. You need to be able to strike the right amount of how you display your affection. While he longs to hear how special he is, be careful of not going overboard. Too much affection will also cause him to panic.
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