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How to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level

November 4, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Believe me, I know how hard it is to cope when you are ready for a bigger commitment and your partner isn’t. In this 3 minute read you will learn what I have discovered to move things along a bit faster.

Relationships are a difficult area in your life to manage. Knowing what to do, when to say the right thing can be a guessing game for most. How to to take your relationship  to the next level can be just as confusing. What signals your relationship to move ahead? Reading these signs correctly can be challenging. Even more so, acting on these signs, when should you? These are the types of things you should ask yourself when your in a relationship. It will only serve to make a better foundation later on in your relationship.

Knowing how to take your relationship to the next level is part and parcel with when to do it. Obviously timing is everything. If your relationship is new, then jumping to quickly to the next level can do a number of things. If your relationship is in the early stages, proceeding to quickly can actually be the end of it. If your relationship doesn’t end, it can certainly cast some doubt on the judgement of your partner.  This can create a host of emotions that would otherwise have not arisen.

Knowing when the time is right to move to the next level will depend on how your relationship is progressing. Sometimes there is a natural course of action that will occur, and progression will happen on it’s own. If  this isn’t happening then perhaps there is a reason. Moving to the next level shouldn’t be forced. Moving stages in your relationship shouldn’t be an obligation, or something you feel should be done. It should be because you and your partner feel that this is the next logical step. It also should not be because your feeling pressure by your partner to move the relationship along, especially if your uncomfortable with the situation moving forward.

Knowing how to move your relationship forward once you have established it is the right time is totally dependant on your comfort level. Being able to read the signs from your partner may not be as easy as you would think.  Just because you exchange some smiles and have had some successful dates, doesn’t mean that is the “green light” for anything more. Having direct dialogue is really the best course of action you can take. Without being pushy, you can always discuss where you feel the relationship is going. Having tactful conversation, even in small amounts will allow you the opportunity to be comfortable with the level you both decide your relationship is going to.

It is important to remember how you take your relationship to the next level,  it involves more than just you. While you may be ready to move along on this journey, your partner may not be. Patience in this event is a virtue. Don’t jeopardize your relationship because your a little over zealous , some people arrive at different stations in life than others. Being empathetic, gentle and honest is the best option when you decide to take your relationship to the next level.

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How to End a Relationship Without Heartbreak

November 3, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are sometimes difficult to be in. They can be more difficult to get out of. Ending a relationship is a sometimes a necessary evil, but it must be done. How you do you go about breaking up with someone and avoiding the heartbreak?  Trying to end a relationship on a good note is not the easiest thing to achieve. How can you say good bye to someone without making it a “heart break” situation?

The way you end a relationship should be in keeping with the stage of your relationship. If you have been dating someone for only four months, being able to say that your relationship isn’t going to work out shouldn’t be a heart break situation. Having an adult discussion over a meal, that your relationship isn’t going in  the direction you had envisioned should be a sufficient way to end your relationship. In four months time, if there has been little discussion has been had about future, family or commitment it shouldn’t be an awkward conversation to approach.

A relationship that has been committed for some time, has a level of committed and intimacy that deserves to be handled with a little more finesse. If a relationship is beginning to fizzle out emotionally, it can be no shock to either party that the relationship is about to end. Emotions can run high due to the anxiety and stress, knowing what must be done.  Keeping things honest and mature will alleviate the need for anger and resentment. Sadness is natural course that you will take during the last moments of your relationship ending. However, an over emotional breakup can be devastating. Avoiding heartbreak is all in how you handle your good bye. Naturally if your living together, the actual move will be a crushing time, but it does not have to be. If you have decided your relationship has run it’s course, having no future you must openly convey that to your partner. Being able to say that you feel there is not a reason to pursue your further will be a difficult conversation.

The key to this conversation being a successful mature conversation is doing it while your calm. If and when you have finally come to this conclusion, ask your partner to sit down and talk. even talking over a glass of wine can be very calming allowing you to discuss the relationship openly. You may both feel the same way and choose to end it mutually.

Knowing that you are both on the same page will help the healing process immensely. Having this open dialogue will allow a closure to your relationship that will start your heart to mend. While there will be sadness, knowing that you have discussed this leaves no room for doubt in your decisions which only helps your heartbreak.

It’s never easy to bring a chapter of your life to an end, but it would be easier for all parties included to move on, if the relationship was ended without heartbreak. When all the dusts settles, it is better to keep a cool head for all your break up discussions.

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Are You Dating the Right Person?

November 2, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is there anything better than that first kiss? Dating is full of new experiences with new people. The excitement of getting to know someone can be an adrenaline rush.  It can be an adventurous time in your life, or it can be wrought with mixed emotions full of anxiety. This can be the case if you are unaware that you are dating the right person. How can you know if you are on the track?

Getting to know someone is certainly a difficult period  for some people more than others.  Knowing if your on the right track while dating  someone is more than just  liking to watch the same movies or eating the same food. Finding someone to date isn’t about finding a person who likes everything that you like, sometimes having a difference can open you up to a world of new experience. This doesn’t necessarily mean that opposites attract, and it also doesn’t mean that you must find someone with your exact interests. This can be the difficulty in knowing if your on the right track dating the right person.

Are you having a great time? This is the first indicator in knowing  if you are dating the right person. Being with someone shouldn’t feel like an obligation.  Wanting to be someone, getting to know their interests are an integral part of dating. If you have a general interest in who someone is and what they do, it can really spark your chemistry. Wanting to get to know someone and enjoying it sets the tone for the rest of your dates. Feeling like your going through the motions is not only insulting to the person your dating, it’s insulting to yourself. You deserve to be with someone you enjoy, not someone who simply passing the time.

Chemistry is really a necessary ingredient when you date. Now some people expect to see fireworks and hear bells. That isn’t the case, however a connection to another person can certainly be a palpable feeling. It can be so present that it is perceived by other people. Having a chemistry , even to a small degree will allow you to explore those feelings further. It also provides a great start to dating, and gives you something initially to build on. No relationship should be built on on a physical pull alone, otherwise it is destine to just fizzle out. You want a relationship with some “staying” power.  This is where you can know if your headed in the right direction.

To much analyzing isn’t good for any relationship, but evaluating your dating situation is always wise. Look at your time spent together. Does it feel like it has a purpose, and more importantly does it feel like you want to spend more time with that person? Not knowing how much you have in common could be a good thing, it gives you the opportunity to learn and grow together. It will always take time getting to know someone to feel if you are dating the right person, but the key is knowing if you enjoy them. Having someone in your life shouldn’t be about idea of  dating, it should be because you want them there.

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Does Online Dating Work?

November 1, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Finding someone special is what most of us look  our whole lives for. It isn’t an easy task, and can be worse for some more than others. It can be for a number of reasons, whether it’s a social phobia, insecurities due to looks or weight, or simply to many bad relationships. Whatever the case, many turn to online dating. Does it really work?

When looking to date in the online community, there are many ways to venture out online to begin looking for someone to date. If you look at the likelihood of finding someone with your similar interests just by picking someone by  looks, you would be missing the point of online dating entirely.  The reason online dating has become so effective in today’s world is for a number of reason one being convenience. Imagine how many dates you would have to endure to find someone who even showed similar interests to yours. Online dating has created something that is so effect, if can’t help but make this method of dating successful. The ability to filter.

With a number of candidates in a virtual “Rolodex” waiting to be pursued, how does one go about making it a successful venture? When entering the dating scene you must fill out a questionnaire. These questions will establish your likes, interests, faith, and personal preferences. With some honest truths about yourself included, online dating sites can virtually pair you with potential candidates. Your “profile” will contain all your information and will be able to be viewed by others who have joined the same site. This one little step will allow you a world of opportunity without even leaving your living room.

While some may argue that this lack of social interaction goes against nature in establishing a “chemistry”, there are other advantages to this method. Being able to view a person’s information online can easily give you the information that otherwise may take you a couple of dates to find out. This may not seem like a advantage to most people, but for those who struggle with the social aspect of dating, failure at any level can be devastating.

With sites committed to something as large as faith, it creates an environment for people to talk, exchange life views and get to know someone intellectually before you enter into a physical relationship. Enjoying someone mentally can be a better chemistry than if you were to meet in social setting.

Perhaps the most enticing part of online dating is the control of when you introduce the physical aspect into your relationship. A chemistry that may not have occurred will be established through a mental relationship. The ability to meet at your own discretion will allow you to do so when you are both comfortable with this situation.

It can be a nerve wracking experience to continually date, looking for someone with whom you can share a common thread. Online dating allows you the opportunity to meet, engage in conversation , and connect with someone with whom you can share your inner thoughts. This can be the beginning of a wonderful foundation to a very important relationship.

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How to Handle a Clingy Relationship

October 29, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

The first kiss, it’s a moment to treasure. Those first few months in a new relationship can be full of new experiences. It is a time when you can’t think of anything else but that special someone.  When your with them, all you can do is want to be with them and no where else. When your not with them, your constantly wondering when you are going to be with them again. Everything is so new and exciting that it’s almost an adrenaline rush.

Constantly checking for the slightest hint that the other person is thinking of you, you check emails, text messages and phone messages. You live for that flirty little message that says “I am thinking of you”. This is all normal in the early stages of a relationship. The constant excitement of finding out who two people are when they are together can almost be addicting, but when is it too much?

Being with someone shouldn’t become an annoyance, it should be a pleasure. Usually the excitement dissipates to a level where you function separately as a couple, but come together as the occasion arises. It should not be forced, it should not be awkward. There is a fine line between getting to know someone and become what’s known as “clingy”. How can you differentiate between the two?

Knowing when too much is too much. If you have passed the stage of getting to know one another for the first few weeks and have settled into a routine of dating, there will be the occasion for communication throughout the time you are not together. Occasional messages to say , “I am thinking of you” are a welcomed sign of affection. The incessant messages which come with a sense of urgency are what will be the indicator things may not be progressing as they should. Messages that are filled with a frantic sense, be it in writing or in a person’s voice can be a turn off completely.

There are other indicators beside the constant need for communication. Being with someone you like means you enjoy their company. Needing to be within reach of that person as well can be an immediate red flag. While a gentle touch is a nice reminder that you are into a person, when it escalates in a “mauling”, this may also give way to a clingy person.

Handling a clingy relationship should be done with care. How you handle it will depend on the person and how they respond. Too much to fast can be a massive indicator that things are going to progress to quickly. Knowing why a person is clingy is your best recourse at dealing with it. Is it because they are new to relationships and feel that this is the expected way to handle it? Whatever the case, an open conversation will give you the insight you need to decide whether this is a relationship you want to pursue. Someone who is clingy in the beginning of a relationship may progress to unbearable in a few months time.

Differentiate if the person you are with is clingy or controlling. After you have a frank open discussion, be mindful of the persons feelings. Adjust how often you speak, how often you are together to see if that makes a difference. Creating boundaries early on will set the tone for how the relationship will proceed.  If you find that being open about your likes and dislikes in a relationship has improved it, perhaps your partner is just new to how to handle a relationship. If you find you are being “smothered” by your partner, perhaps there are more issues in play than you are aware of, and you need to handle it accordingly.

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Are You Ready for Marriage?

October 28, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Marriage may be the biggest step in life you take. Pledging your life, your love, and your commitment to someone for the rest of your life is something not entered into lightly. In today’s society, people enter into the commitment of marriage with a safety net in mind. If  it does not work out, well there is always divorce. That should not be the approach one takes towards marriage. Perhaps evaluating if your ready for marriage first will better prepare you to make the decision.

Know Your Partner

When you intend to propose to someone, make sure you know them. Just getting along with someone is never enough. Knowing a persons intimate details will give you not only an insight to who they are now, but also who they are to become. All to often when people pledge marriage, they overlook who that person is going to become. This is an important fact to consider. Look into the future when your with someone.

Change

Don’t hope they can change over time. If your with someone and your find yourself wishing that there is more about them than you would care to admit should change, don’t hope it will get better down the road. You should love a person for who they are now, knowing that’s who they will be later on. Sure, life will change, surroundings may differ but the core of a person will still be the same. Growing with someone means that your love will grow as well. This will bond that you share will only get stronger as you both grow into your older selves. You should not enter into a committed relationship with someone hoping that will not be who they are later.

Maturity

Feeling ready for marriage means a sense of maturity. You can gauge your maturity by how well you deal with arising situation. Handling “grown up” situations takes a sense of decorum, a sense of dignity, something that comes with time and maturity. If you are unable to handle the curves that life throws at you and your partner without immature responses than perhaps that will tell you that a bigger commitment such as marriage you are not ready for. Knowing how to approach certain trials and tribulations in a marriage is a delicate thing to maneuver. Childish games, hurtful name calling and tantrums are not actions of those ready to vow forever to each other. Keep this in mind when the next difficulty arises in your relationship.

None of us may never truly know if we are ready for marriage, but the best inkling that you can have is to know that when you are with that certain person, you would rather be no where else. Knowing that you have reached the point in your life when you live for someone else’s touch, voice, and embrace will tell you that you have found “it”. What  you choose to do with it, is up to you. If you know that this is the right step for you, then that is all you may really need. Marriage really is for life, it should never be entered into in vain.

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Should You Elope?

October 27, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Marriage is a turning point. It’s a time when you decide that you are ready for the  next chapter in your life. What occasion marks this significant transition most? Should it be a traditional ceremony, or is it more appropriate to have an intimate ceremony just  you and your intended? This can be a question that plagues some couples. A ceremony in the privacy of only the two of you  may be something that appeals to you. Consider all the reasons why this is an option before you jump into a decision.

Family Issues

Could it be that you are running away to escape the “monster in law”?  If there are several arguments surrounding your wedding eloping should only be the answer if you and your fiance are both in agreement. From guests list to location there can be many things you and your wedding entourage can fight over. More times than not, in the heat of the moment a bride will scream ” I can’t do this anymore, let’s just elope!” Avoidance while it may work for the moment, still leaves the problems waiting for you when you return.You may regret eloping years down the road if this is your only motivator.

Finances

While this may be true of some couples, this likely can be an excuse for others. Using the “we don’t have the money ” card  can be helpful if your trying to skirt other issues. However, most destination weddings for two can as expensive if not more than a small traditional ceremony. If this truly is the case, than a civil ceremony at your local justice of the peace will be the right move for you.  The cost is low, and if all your want is to be married, than this is the way to do it. It’s true that there are some couples who find the idea of a wedding frivolous, they would rather use the money towards a house or other expenses. Don’t discount the method of their madness. Some wedding costs sky rocket and to those who aren’t as involved in the idea of a wedding, eloping solves the problem.

Location

It doesn’t occur often, but if you happened to be stationed a significant location away from all your immediate family and friends you may want to look at eloping until a later date. Most couples who are faced with this predicament hold a reception once they arrive back in proximity to their families. this can completely serve the purpose at the time.

The most important thing to remember when weighing the decision of eloping is what you and your fiance want. If your reasoning for eloping is to escape any differences of opinions, to avoid uncomfortable family discussions, or because the marriage is against someone’s wishes you may want to reconsider. Eloping shouldn’t be something that you will later regret. It should be a conscious decision made with a clear head, that even is a years time you will still support. It’s been said that a couple who elopes will always think about the wedding that they never had, this may only be true if it’s a decision made in haste.

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Is Your Relationship Headed in the Right Direction?

October 26, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Being in a relationship can be wonderful. It can be loving, it can be romantic and it can be everything you ever dreamed. It also can be what you never expected. If this is the case, how will you know if your relationship is headed in the right direction? This can be a difficult assessment. What will let you know where you relationship is going? It may be beneficial to look at where relationship is, before you can asses where it will head.

Are You Hot or Are You Not?

Many people assume that heat in your relationship will dissipate in time , therefor establishing a comfort level that says, “hey we are like an old married couple”.  The misconception here is that “the old married couple” don’t still have the chemistry they once did. Happily married couples maintain their chemistry, that’s one of the key’s to longevity in a relationship. While you may be “comfortable” with someone in a relationship, that isn’t necessarily a good thing. Shoes are comfortable, your relationship should be more than that.

Are You Move In Material?

There is no time statute on when you should ask someone to move in with you. It should be that you want someone to move in with you, not that you ought too. Many couples move through the motions, literally. If you have the “sleepovers” in your relationship, with no progression to “move in” status than perhaps your relationship is at a stale mate. If you can’t commit to more than a sleep over with your partner, then maybe your relationship isn’t going to go any further.

Ready, Set, Go!

If your relationship seems to be on a fast track, look at where that fast track is going. Is it on the fast track to nowhere?  That is definitely quite possible. Many couples “complete” each phase of a relationship as though it were a race. Only to find in the end that the race has a disappointing finish. Some couples have realized this right at the alter.

If you are truly headed in the right direction in your relationship, there really is no time frame. The time you spend with one another is for learning about each other, connecting on more than one level, earning trust. Don’t pay attention to relationships around you.  Getting caught up in someone else’s relationship can put undue pressure on your own.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that dating has an expiry date. Your relationship will head in the direction you need it to in it’s own good time. Throughout the course of relationship you will know if your feelings are growing into something stronger with more depth. This is how you can judge for yourself if your relationship is heading in the right direction. There are no manuals, no instructions and no cheat sheets for the right direction of a relationship. All you need to know, is that you and your partner communicate openly, the rest will fall into place.

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Living Happily Ever After

October 25, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is there ever such as thing? Living happliy ever after is something we reaad in fairy tales, and don’t neccerassirly use to describe our real lives. Is it a real state of live that can be achieved, or is it something that can never be applied to real life?

Relationships can often be trying at times and we may often wonder is this it? Am I really happy? We can spend more time wondering if we actually achieved happily ever after than really actually living it. Can one person really define how you live happily ever? The bigger question is how do you know if you have reached the point that you can say you have it?

It can be supposed that this state can be open to interpretation. What constitutes happiness in a relationship? Does this mean wealth, stability, children? For each person the happiness in their lives is specific to their needs. Many people dream of fame and fortune. Excessive amounts of wealth could mean for someone that they can live happily ever after. The ability to purchase anything and everything, travel endlessly and never have a care in the world when it comes to your bank account is some peoples dream.

True love. Some people search the world for someone who in every way completes them. A person who shares their inner most thoughts, fears and dreams. To search for what seems like forever for someone who touches your soul can be a long journey. When that journey is complete,and you have comitted to forever with that someone, all your fears are laid to rest. You will feel that you have finally hit happily ever after, knowing that you have found someone to be by your side.

Children could be the happily ever after for a couple. Couples who have trouble conceiving would go to any length to be able to have children. Most would move heaven and earth to make their dream come true. If that dream can be fulfilled by any means necessary, that couple would feel they are now living happily ever after.

Everyone’s version of living happily ever after can range from where they have decided to live, to what job they have taken, to how many children they have. Living happily ever after isn’t a “thing” it’s a state of mind. When you have finally decided to want what you have instead of wanting what you haven’t got, it will change your life. Knowing what your state of happiness is can set the stage for the rest of your life. Happiness is there for the taking, all you have to do is learn how to take you piece of it.

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How to Keep Communication In Your Relationship

October 22, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Communication is the foundation that a healthy strong committed relationship is built on. Of course there are many other aspects of a relationship that are essential in it’s successhowever communication holds the most important role. Determining how to keep these lines open will help keep your relationship in good health.

Keeping communication open in a relationship is a daily effort and must be by both parties. Because it is a daily effort there are several things you can do in your relationship to maintain you and partner continue sharing. Communication is about more than asking how each other’s day went. Communication is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, even when they are difficult. Telling your partner the feelings you would rather keep private may be one of the hardest things you have to do, but will keep your relationship honest. If is never easy to engage in a conversation when you know it has the potential to hurt someone, or cause friction in your relationship.

Being open with your feelings is an admirable quality when it is done in a healthy, adult manner. Spontaneous outbursts of anger does not constitute open communication. Communication should be the exchange of thoughts and feelings done so in an open manner. It is a two way process, with support for both parties the relationship.

Establishing the proper channels of communication can take time and effort .This should be the main goal in the relationship in order to cement  the proper foundation. Just how does one go about doing this?  Establish early on that when feelings get hurt, they should be discussed. Bottling up feelings of hurt or embarrassment can lead to very serious feelings of resentments which can ultimate contribute to breakdown in a relationship.

There is a place in every relationship for feelings such as anger. It is what you do with those emotions that will dictate how your relationship will commence after an argument. To keep the communication going, talk to your partner about the situation and acknowledge  any accountability. Once you are able to work through those feelings, talking them through to actually solve the problem Will make communication easier.

Keeping things honest is often difficult in a relationship. A new relationship can be difficult to maneuver especially if you are not sure of what constitutes communication. It doesn’t mean that necessarily every occurrences in the day needs to be discussed, but the situations and events that are significant should be talked about throughout the course of the conversation that are exchanged. Keeping both parties up to date and involved in each aspect of the relationship makes for feelings of satisfaction and contentment.  When each person feels “involved” in the others daily events it means the communication can flow freely.

As time progresses it becomes easier to identify the communication that has it’s place in a relationship  also how and when it should occur.  This process can be uncomfortable as each person grasps for the right words to adequately convey the feelings and emotions that are occurring. This is extremely normal and will get easier with time. The key is that no matter how difficult this may be at first, forging ahead to maintain the communication is what’s important.

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