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What Is Love?

October 21, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Love as a noun is described as;

A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love as a verb is described as;

To have love or affection for, to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person),to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in.

Love is an emotion that can have many different definitions. To often the word “love” is placed where it should not be. To feel this emotion, to any extent is something of a gift. For everyone to say they have found love may be true, but subject to interpretation by many. Because love can be interpreted in so many ways, it is so important to be clear on what you are feeling in a certain situation.

What Is Love?

It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. Yet no one can give the proper definition of love. To some love is friendship set on fire, for others maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Depending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship. This beauty of this emotion and perhaps what leaves many in awe, is the longevity of it. Some love can last a lifetime which when you reflect up on it, can be overwhelming that one emotion can last all that time.

The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity because of what it involves. This kind of love is what can carry people through their days and nights.

It can be argued that without this emotion there would be no emotions at all. Some have said that every emotion is a derivative of love, there is always a connection. The great debate is hat without love there could be no hate. Regardless of how your views of love began, it cannot be denied that this emotion can leave you in awe. It transcends the boundaries that is meets, it’s defies the laws that confines it. It can make the person you are, or it can completely destroy it.

What other emotion can be so all consuming? Something as powerful as this can only be described as a force. There need not be a definition placed, it is an entity.

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How to Deal with a Cheating Spouse

October 20, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are intricate, demanding, and full of the unknown. They require dedication, commitment, respect and the big thing, the “T” word. Trust. It takes time and effort to earn someones trust. The hardest thing to do may be to keep it.

When you commit to someone it should be done with your heart and your head. Of course it takes time to court someone correctly to earn their trust properly, but when you love someone it shouldn’t matter. The time you spend with someone, learning who they are, where they come from and who they aspire to be can be more intimate than a sexual experience. Mental connection between two people is the strongest bond there is. Love is the emotion that grows in response from how two people connect. When that connect is broken it can be devastating. The entire  feeling of trust, commitment and respect is broken. It’s up to you to decide if that connection is repairable.

When your spouse cheats it can tear your world apart, literally. Everything you once knew is now no longer, everything you thought is now shattered. How can you possibly recover? Look at your relationship  to see when and were the breakdown occurred. Sometimes cheating is not simply the act of sexual response, but one of emotional need. If your relationship is lacking, your spouse may have gone looking to fill a void that has left them emotionally empty.

Both parties in the relationship must realize that a relationship break down over time. When that breakdown occurs communication should occur. It’s when this opportunity for communication is ignored (for any number of reasons) that the breakdown in the relationship escalates. Once your spouse cheats it becomes an issue that must be dealt with. If you deal with it, knowing that each of you must accept some responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship, forgiveness may happen. It will take time again to regain respect and commitment. It will take more time to regain trust, if ever at all. The important step is to try if you feel your relationship is worth it.

Loving someone is never an easy task. It can be a long road, but one filled with many ups and downs. How you handle those ups and downs will decide who you are as person, and what relationship will turn out to be. If you know why your spouse cheated you will have a better understanding  of how to deal with it. You should never let yourself be subject to the mental abuse of a repetitive cheater. Someone who repeatedly cheats has more personal issues than can be handled in a relationship. Someone who has lost their way is an entirely different issue.

If your spouse had an affair to supplement the emotional support that was lacking from your relationship with them, it may be that you can repair what you one had. Often times when a connection is so strong, if a distance occurs through the course of the relationship to make it waver it may still be salvageable.

Loving yourself enough is the first and most important thing when dealing with a cheating spouse. If you can do that, you can remain strong and leveled headed. Know what the road to repairing your relationship looks like ,and if your up for it take it slow. If your spouse is cheating often and for a sexual  response you may want to look at if your relationship issues.

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Ideas to Spice Up Your Relationship

October 19, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

So you think your relationships getting a little dull. Have you perhaps fallen into a rut that you don’t know how to get out of? Don’t panic, that’s normal it is the nature of  being in a committed relationship. Don’t mistake a rut in a relationship out to be a problem that’s bigger than it is. It’s the natural course of going through one’s daily life. If you want to put a spark back into your relationship there are a few things that you could try.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

If things have become a little mundane with the rigors of daily life, why not try enticing your partner into a little mental foreplay. Sending sexy photo’s with enticing captions might just bring back the spice you need. For a women, purchase that lingerie outfit you have been to shy to wear, and take your picture. Send it to your man with a caption like “Can’t wait for you to undress this..”. Comments like this are sure to get his blood flowing and get him anticipating the next photo. Not only is this a physical reaction it is a mental one. Feeling a connection to something that seems enticing will keep your mind racing as well as your pulse.

Bringing Sexy Back

Run a hot bath for your partner and place a note in a bottle and leave it in the tub. When they get ready to climb into the water, they will read the note and become surprised at your attention to their needs. This works great for women, even use some candles and play soft music. It will help them enjoy the experience more. It creates an aura of sensual intimacy that has her feeling sexy. What about leaving sexy messages on their work phone or cell phone and remind them what waits for them when they get home. If you partner is on a long business trip, a surprise note in their luggage will only help them remember your love more and start a mental yearning.

To spice up your relationship you need to understand where it is lacking. Is it lacking in the bedroom? What if you decided on spontaneous sex anywhere but the bedroom? Would this help your partner? Perhaps the spice needs to be emotional. Some people need to feel like they connect again. How about scheduling a day trip for some good old fashion romance? What if you are just struggling day to day to get out of the everyday routine with a little spice?

Try jumping into the shower with your spouse when he/she is getting ready in the morning. This unexpected little piece of intimacy can be stolen as your time together or as a precursor for later! Just remember to take the time to find something that can get you back into your relationship with some added spice.

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Take It Slow or Jump to the Alter?

October 18, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Soul mate. That’s what finding that special someone is. It’s about finding the person who completes you. For some it can take a life time to find, for others it seems to happen early on. How can you know if that person is the one?

Here Fishy Fishy….

Have you ever heard the term “there’s plenty more fish in the sea?” Well surely after you broken up with someone, that’s the speech that was given. There is some truth to it. How many people have to be considered before you establish the “one”?  There is always the old saying, “you have to test drive a few cars, before you bring one home”. Does this apply to relationships? It could be that you need to date a wide variety of personality types before you decide to get serious with someone. While this may be outside some peoples comfort zone, it might help with your relationship later on, giving you a sense of confidence in the person you have chosen to be with.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race….

A lasting relationship begins with a solid foundation. A friendship can be the glue that  holds your relationship together. You will find that “friendship” after a lengthy period of serious commitment.  Long after the “newness” of the relationship  wears off  there will be a change in your relationship. This change will determine if  the longevity of your relationship can get you to the alter. Taking a relationship slow allows the couple to find if the initial chemistry which sparked the romance, has some staying power. Finding out who a person is takes some time, some patience and some trust. All of these things are not gained over night they take time to establish. The curves that life can throw your way can show what and how you act like as a couple. This alone can be a tell tale sign of where your relationship is headed.

Jump Jump!

Closing your eyes and jumping into a relationship that heads straight to the alter could have an expected or unexpected outcome. If racing to alter finds you blissfully happy without consequence you could find yourself with one amazing story to tell the grand kids.  On the other hand, plunging into marriage based on a whirl wind romance with the only chemistry being in bedroom could land you directly into divorce court three months later.  There are the odd couple who know instantly that they are meant for each other, or there are those who subscribe to “true love”.

In the end there are no sure fire ways to know if your relationship will go the distance, so the best you can do is trust your heart and your head.

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Why Relationships Are Difficult

October 15, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Soul mates. A pair. A couple.  Whichever way there is to describe two people who have made a commimtment  does not take away from that it is in a fact a “relationship. Varying degrees of commitment shouldn’t but will dictate how well your relationship will run. It is the law of nature to want a fully committed relationship without the difficulty.

Players Ready…

When a couple decides to date , usually the hope is to do so in search of finding that special someone. This however is not always every one’s intention when they set out to date. Unbeknownst to some, there are people who merely enjoy the dating scene.  Some people merely enjoy the thrill of the chase, while others seem to want to constant attention. For the unsuspecting, this can be devastating. Unfortunately there is not clear way to know how to identify these people. It would save a number of heart aches  however it’s all part of the process.

Do the Limbo…

The difficulty with dating is knowing when it actually launches into a full blown relationship. At what point do you officially know that  your in one? Who dictates the pace, who identifies the advancement? Without clear conversation and commitment , how is your relationship defined? If you don’t know the answer to any of the questions your relationship is in a definite limbo.  Now by design it might be there if your partner has no interest of taking your relationship to the next level. Ambivalence in relationships towards commitment can be extremely difficult. Without a clear path, it can be difficult to know if the person you are with is the “one” or if you are just spinning you wheels. If two people are  not on the same page in a relationship is doomed to stay in purgatory.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

This is an age old debate when it comes to relationships. Some will say it is because of the differences that they get along so well. Others will tell you that since there is such a difference , the impasse is to great.  It all depends on how you are opposites that will dictate the degree of difficulty in the relationship. If personalities literally clash, and the only chemistry is in the bedroom, then you can be rest assured it isn’t a long term relationship. Those however are the relationship that can be very hard to let go of. Intimacy breeds a sense of compatibility. However if you are only compatible in one place , chances are your relationship is past difficult and downright toxic.

Any two people that have made a commitment of a relationship together will find something about the relationship difficult. It is common to have those feelings however the trick is no when the difficulties supersede the good things about the relationship.

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Fear of Commitment

October 14, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are a complex bond between two people. It’s no wonder frustration can mount when the issue of commitment rears it’s ugly head. No two relationships are the same , just like no two people are the same. To enter into a relationship with the ever present “wall” built up is counter productive.  What this truly is, is a fear of commitment. It is important to understand why a person has such a fear, and if it is in fact valid. The validity of this fear can stem from previous relationships which have ended badly or simply from the fear of the unknown. It is best to identify each person in the relationship and how a fear of commitment could  possibly be established.

On the Female Side

While this is general statement, more times than not it is a true one. Women typically have a fear of commitment from simply having a previous bad relationship. Women who have been “burned” , seem to be a little more shy to trust and commit to their next fella. It is important to note here that trust and commitment go hand in hand. If a women does not trust the man she is with, she cannot commit to him. If in a previous relationship the trust was rocked,  it can very devastating to a women. To trust again, regardless of the individual can be almost impossible thus creating a fear of commitment. With the right person, enough time and patience the fear of commitment can dissipate and trust can be restored. Understanding a women’s general make up , listening to how and why she began to feel this way is an integral part of starting a healthy relationship with her.

From the Male Side

Just like understanding a women, a man’s fear of commitment needs to be understood. While there are exceptions to every rule, a general statement here can be made, that a mans fear of commitment  is due to the loss of freedom. A man equates freedom with being single. Being single represents, no ties, no obligations, and certainly no one to answer to. When you introduce commitment into that scenario it can be difficult and downright impossible to get a man to change his view. To overcome a fear of commitment for a man, he must first be with a women that he himself is truly enamoured with. Being told that a commitment needed is never the way to ensure one.

A commitment must be of a man’s on volition in order for it to be solid. A man must come to his own decision, that he wants to be in a loving committed relationship. When this occurs, he will know that his freedom is still his although it is shared with the person he loves.  When this realization occurs, a healthy stable relationship occurs.

Trying to force commitment for anyone is never  a way to achieve it. Neither men or women need to rush a relationship in order to to make it  solid one. Time, nurturing ,trust and patience is all it takes for two people to start to make a commitment.

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What Do Men Really Want In A Woman

October 13, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is this an age old question? Perhaps not, but it is certainly on every women’s mind . Some women think if they know what a man wants, they will be closer to snagging the elusive golden ring or in this case a wedding ring.  Many relationship struggles due to the breakdown  of communication between men and women. Men are commonly not either comfortable or willing to discuss their insecurities, fears, and inner most desires. Often times these are not even feelings known,  more often than not they lie on the subconscious. This makes  open communication nearly impossible thus leaving a women muttering “what do men really want?”

In today’s society there is now a “modern man”. Women are even more in awe of the modern man, because their is now the modern women. Modern women are thought to be empowered by their own sexuality and confident in their role in the world. Where does this leaving modern man?  Usually wondering what he wants.

A modern women’s image says, smart, independent and therefore if a man wants her fine, and if not no problem there is another around the corner. While this means women have made many strides ahead, this is actually a step back for men.  A men wants to be needed. It is a primary response to being with a women. If that initial primary urge is taken away, a man is left struggling to find where his place is.

At the core of every man is the age old historic “chromagnum man”. Being needed is directly related to giving love. Having a women to need a man, equates to a man’s primal instinct to love , provide and protect. Many women do not see the direct correlation. They presume to protect means jealously, to provide means control and find the love to be absent. Men love through protecting and providing. Does a man know this is what he wants? Sure, but we are back to that “subconscious level” again. He may not know exactly what he wants, but he relies on instinct.  This can be were the communication issue comes in.

If a women is constantly asking “what do you want”? It may be difficult for a man to answer since he actually may not know how to answer. Incessant questions may just escalate the tension in the relationship.  The key here is to try to take a look at this relationship for a mans perspective to get to know what he could really want.

There are no “relationship headquarters” to consult when you can figure out what men really want. Sure it would be helpful if we a “technical support” hot line, but we don’t. All we can do is try to listen to what they say, and hear what they don’t.

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Relationship Problems

October 12, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Married, dating, straight or gay relationship problems don’t discriminate. Anyone who tells you their relationship is “fine” isn’t telling you the whole truth. Everyone, regardless of their commitment to their sexual orientation has relationship problems. It’s what you do with them that will dictate whether they remain small little hiccups in your relationship or large impasses. Identifying problems early on in your relationship can allow for the correct action to be taken in direct  correlation to the problem which has presented itself.

Is Your Relationship Worth It?

The level of commitment to your relationship will directly relate to how well you do or don’t handle any problems that arise. Most people assume that if your married you should work harder at solving problems in your relationship than if you are dating. Regardless of the time frame your relationships has elapsed, knowing how and when to minimizeproblems will help make your relationship a successful one.  It takes no time at all for problems to snowball into unmanageable issues that render your relationship all but over. Decide when approaching these problems if your relationship can withstand a little rough patch.

What is Worth the Fight?

Anything from not changing the toilet paper roll to adultery can be a problem in your relationship. That may seem like a broad generalization, yet it’s true. Problems often arise from feelings that have not been acknowledged and have been buried to fester. Then one day when the toilet paper roll is not changed it becomes a huge problem, when really it what lies beneath. Some thing as simple as not doing the act of changing the toilet paper can be viewed as disrespectful. Not really the act rather what it represents. The lack of help around the house, the lack of respect for the other person, or simply the oblivious nature. Whatever the reasoning  it becomes a launching pad for emotions that should have been dealt with sooner. Often times relationships breakdown without parties ever really knowing why.

Emotional Support vs. Emotional Demands

Every relationship needs a helping hand to making it a healthy loving one. One of the ways to  do that is to provide emotional support. This means giving your partner a feeling of being backed, supported; you’re behind him or her no matter what. This does not necessarily mean agreeing with one another all the time.

Realistically, no two people will agree on all occasions. What it does mean is treating your partner in a way that says, “I love you and trust you, and I’m with you through anything.”  Emotional demands come in a variety of forms which can damage the relationship.

  • Insisting that your partner spend all of his or her time with you
  • Insisting that they give up their friends or that you both hang around only your friends
  • Insisting that you give approval of the clothes they wear
  • Making sure that you make all the decisions about how you spend you time together and where you go when you go out
  • Making them feel guilty when they spend time with their families
  • Making sure you win all the arguments
  • Always insisting that your feelings are the most important

Each of these is an emotional demand, and has potential for damaging the relationship. No two people can survive a relationship together with these constraints put upon them.

When is Enough, Enough?

If your looking for advice on when enough is enough you can’t seek that from anywhere else but yourself. You know what this relationship has to offer and only you know if it has become impassible. Certainly any form of abuse isn’t acceptable  and you should seek help immediately if your relationship has reached this level. Knowing if your relationship compatibility can withstand  a few rough roads will help you when you try to solve your problems. However, don’t underestimate yourself and what you deserve out of a relationship. Don’t settle for bad treatment because you don’t think your worth much more.

What Kind of Problems Are There?

Every relationship will see it’s sets of problems. Money problems are a huge source of frustration for couples. Being able to discuss financial plans  and adhere to them should help ease this problem. Often times this problem arises when couples operate on different ideals on how they see their money managed.

For some people, dealing with their partner’s family is difficult. You may wonder how you can have a good relationship with them, or if you want to. This can be a very prevalent “hot button” in some relationships,  and decide the course of where the relationship will go. This problem can remain large and persistent if you do not tackle it in the early stages of your relationship and keep open dilalogue  about it.

There are some people who seem to believe that “If I’m in a relationship. I have to give up all my personal friends unless my partner likes them as well as I do.” Giving up your personal friends should not be a requirement of being in a relationship. Neither should it be assumed that your partner will like your personal friends as much as you do, so insisting that your friends should be their friends might not be reasonable. There will always be the friends who don’t necessarily fit into your relationship life, but then as you meet other couple it will balance out. The key word here is balance. Achieving a satisfying balance with your relationship and friendships should keep and additional problems at bay.

If a given relationship ends, it is possible and even probable that new satisfying relationships can be born in the future. It is also possible that, if there is still a mutual spark between you and your partner, that spark can be fanned back into a healthy flame; that your relationship can be repaired if you are both willing to compromise, seek help, and work hard to make your relationship work.

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Is Dating Easier for the Guy or Girl?

October 11, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Hair, check. Make up, check. Sniff, check.  Mirror , check. Breath, check, not to mention..”Do I look fat in these pants?”.  That’s all running through a girls head when she sets out on dating. For guys, it’s much simpler… Sweaty palms , check. Deodorant, check. Not to minimize what a guy has to go through, but in today’s society a guy doesn’t have all the pressure he once did. Early on before the days of the social independent girl, the going “dutch” on meals, or the girl who makes the first move, a guy had to suffer all the pressures of dating . For us girls,  we just had the pressure of looking nice enough to get asked. Boy, have things changed.

Social Networking is What They Are Calling It…

In a time of Blackberry’s, iPads, iPhone’s and virtually every other form of technology, dating has become more of  a science than every before. Given the ability now to scan the Internet for your perfect mate by punching in your personal preference and requirement and viola! Your e-match is ready. How does this even involve two people anymore I wonder? Instead of talking to one another to find out likes and dislikes, these are stipulations that have be preloaded into your dating search engine. What ever happened to engaging someone in conversation? This dating scene is relatively easy for both genders as it becomes a catalogue of contestants.

Let’s Do it The Old Fashion Way…

There is a wonderful thing called chemistry. Two people must interact to see if it exists between. No avatars, virtual tours or websites. A good old fashion date. Now generally the anxiety here lies on the girl. Girls put much thought and effort into their appearance.  With today’s standards, the bar is set pretty high so most girls do their best to live up to the expectation. This can be fraught with anxiety overload looking for the perfect outfit. Girls want to say they are fun without being stupid, intelligent without being snobby, and sexy without saying “I’m easy”. Trying to get that across from a top and some pants can be down right stressful. We haven’t even touched on hair and make up yet!  Meanwhile, does a guy put that much thought into his appearance? Most guys take care of the general hygene and beyond that are not to effected.

If I Say Black Will You Say White?

Where is it easier between guys and girls? It could be in the conversation. Do opposites truly attract, or will you be at odds the whole date because you cannot agree? In this respect it would easier for guy, simply because of one fine point. Girls  tend to over think everything while guys take a more laid back approach. This is all to true when dating and can be very confusing for any girl since girls generally operate around details while guys operate in the “big picture” mind set.

Dating is often tough enough without the strangle hold of a match making website telling you that for all intent and purpose the two of you should be compatible. Sometime even though it appears one way, it could definitely be the other. Guys and girls alike have many hurdles from which they must rise from in order to find that someone to share their time with.

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Dealing with Anger in Relationships

October 8, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Anger in your relationship can literally make or break it.  Too much makes it volatile and too little encourages  ambivalence.  Does this mean anger is good in your relationship ? Not entirely, but it does have it’s place. Anger is an emotion that some say is just a  step away from love. Having anger in your relationship to a certain extent  is normal, it’s what you do with that anger that dictates where your relationship will go.

I Know You Are But What Am I?

Name calling in your relationship can be disastrous. The old adage “sticks and stones will break your bones ,but names will never hurt you” is a complete myth.  Name calling does hurt and the worst part about it is once its out of your mouth you can never take it back. You must be careful what leaves your lips during anger as it can never be unheard. Even though apology’s are made, things are never really forgotten. Caught up in a moment of anger you may not think clearly if you  let it take over, but the result can be damaging beyond repair.

What Are You Looking At?

Snarly,clipped tones are sure to ignite a fight . If a bad day or bad week  is on the work front, your spouse can be the direct target . Is this fair? No of course not but it’s reality. When you become close enough with someone to be a relationship with them, the unfortunate truth is that your spouse is bound to take the brunt of it. Everyone has bad days, but communication is key. If you can be supportive and sensitive to each others bad days then anger cannot erode your relationship.

Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!

Leaving the “scene of the crime” is never a good idea. Storming out in anger generally makes the tension escalate. It puts the anger on hold , instead of giving the cool down period you may have intended. When your anger is mounting it is definitely advisable to take a step back, but not necessarily take a step out. Feelings can snow ball making it impossible to think clearly. It is then you must step away to another room and close the door if you need to , but leaving when angry will only fuel an already heated situation.

Anger can viewed as a good thing, it’s all in how you look at it. The presence of anger can be viewed as an emotion which dictates care. Without , it may seem that your spouse does not care enough to become angered. However, this would be dependent upon the scenario, and if it was justified.  The idea is that as long as there is a certain amount of anger , there is still a commitment in the relationship. It’s all about when it occurs, and what you do with it when it does.

How you handle anger  in your relationship is paramount to the success of it. If you let it build, resentment occurs thereby causing the inevitable demise of your relationship. Deal with it as it comes, then move on. Don’t forget , sometimes the best part about a fight, is how you make up.

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