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5 Signs He’s Not the One

November 23, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is there still some warm and mushy feelings every time he looks at you? Are you still getting butterflies in your stomach when the phone rings? These little tell tale signs let you know that your still in head over heels with someone. If your finding yourself unsure of your feelings  then maybe he is not the one? How can you be sure if he isn’t? There are some signs you can look for  that can  help you with your decision on where your relationship is.

  1. Would he rather be somewhere else? If you find that he would rather be hanging out with his friends  instead of  with you more often than not you might know earlier on that he is not the one. There is no time limit on wanting to spend time with each other. It should be a want all the time, and not grow old. If you find that he doesn’t  have the same instinct.
  2. Is he constantly living in the past? If you find that he talks about his past girlfriend more than he talks about his current life you may begin to notice that something is a miss. he should want to be in conversation with you , not “at you”. Reliving his past relationship tells you he isn’t involved in the present one.
  3. The chemistry is purely physical. A good indicator things won’t progress successfully is if outside the bedroom you can’t hold the attraction. If you click outside the bedroom then you will know that you have a chance at meaningful relationship. It’s great to have a spark in the bedroom to keep the excitement and attractive alive, but you need more than that to sustain a relationship. Longevity in a relationship is based on more than one ingreidient .
  4. Is it only him in the relationship? If he only worries about himself, and never takes you into consideration this can be a great way to figure out who he really is.
  5. Are you on the same page? If he doesn’t agree on your outlook of life, and constantly puts down your likes, he is not the one. Sharing your life with someone should mean even if you don’t necessarily agree, at least you will support each other. If that fails, surely he is not the one.

Finding out if he is date worthy or dump worthy will only take a few dates to notice where you heading. Finding out if he is the one won’t be instantaneous, it will take time, effort and emotion. Surely you will know if the guy your dating is the one, but if you have doubts in your mind, play closer attention to the signs that you see.

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When Is It Time to Start Dating After Divorce?

November 9, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Marriage is one of the hardest relationships to maintain. Not surprisingly when that relationship ends, your left barely with your head above water. Ending your marriage is the end of a chapter in your life which needs to be mourned. Grieving the loss of your marriage is a natural and healthy part of the process to closure. How long you grieve is the question you need to establish.  You may want to give your relationship it’s “dues” but after that  if your not interested in moving on, has it become your own personal hang up?

Let’s Do Some Math

There is no specific formula to calculate the length of your relationship, minus the time that was rocky, equals how long you have to wait before you date. Your relationship ended. Period. The only relevance the length of your marriage has is how much “history” you have to put behind you.  This can be the hurdle that leaves you questioning your loyalty to the relationship that has passed.

Is There Any One Else to Consider

Knowing when to date may have something to do with  if  there are children to think about in this equation. Taking other peoples feelings into consideration can slow down the process of getting “back into the saddle.” This can be an especially difficult situation to navigate if you have to take into account how other people in your life would deal with this new inclusion. Your children shouldn’t dictate the course your life takes, but what is best for them must be paramount in your decisions.

Have You Said Good Bye

It is important to be able to move on only if you taken the time to say good bye. Trying to date without taking the time properly acknowledge your previous relationship will not help you move on in time to date. You can only proceed so far in your dating before your past will catch up with you. It is important to deal with the emotions that come on a daily that will effect any new relationship you may have. Only when you acknowledge your feelings, that may include anger and sadness will you find the closure you need to move on.

What’s It Look Like

Reaching the closure you need will look like  a better you. When you are able to reflect upon your past relationship without bitterness you will know that you are headed for healing. Remember the past for what it was, without placing blame or needing to revisit the worst part of your past you will begin to look ahead. Looking ahead will open you up to meeting new people, experiencing new things, and having a new lease on your life. That is when you will know it is time to start dating after divorce.

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Are You Dating the Right Person?

November 2, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is there anything better than that first kiss? Dating is full of new experiences with new people. The excitement of getting to know someone can be an adrenaline rush.  It can be an adventurous time in your life, or it can be wrought with mixed emotions full of anxiety. This can be the case if you are unaware that you are dating the right person. How can you know if you are on the track?

Getting to know someone is certainly a difficult period  for some people more than others.  Knowing if your on the right track while dating  someone is more than just  liking to watch the same movies or eating the same food. Finding someone to date isn’t about finding a person who likes everything that you like, sometimes having a difference can open you up to a world of new experience. This doesn’t necessarily mean that opposites attract, and it also doesn’t mean that you must find someone with your exact interests. This can be the difficulty in knowing if your on the right track dating the right person.

Are you having a great time? This is the first indicator in knowing  if you are dating the right person. Being with someone shouldn’t feel like an obligation.  Wanting to be someone, getting to know their interests are an integral part of dating. If you have a general interest in who someone is and what they do, it can really spark your chemistry. Wanting to get to know someone and enjoying it sets the tone for the rest of your dates. Feeling like your going through the motions is not only insulting to the person your dating, it’s insulting to yourself. You deserve to be with someone you enjoy, not someone who simply passing the time.

Chemistry is really a necessary ingredient when you date. Now some people expect to see fireworks and hear bells. That isn’t the case, however a connection to another person can certainly be a palpable feeling. It can be so present that it is perceived by other people. Having a chemistry , even to a small degree will allow you to explore those feelings further. It also provides a great start to dating, and gives you something initially to build on. No relationship should be built on on a physical pull alone, otherwise it is destine to just fizzle out. You want a relationship with some “staying” power.  This is where you can know if your headed in the right direction.

To much analyzing isn’t good for any relationship, but evaluating your dating situation is always wise. Look at your time spent together. Does it feel like it has a purpose, and more importantly does it feel like you want to spend more time with that person? Not knowing how much you have in common could be a good thing, it gives you the opportunity to learn and grow together. It will always take time getting to know someone to feel if you are dating the right person, but the key is knowing if you enjoy them. Having someone in your life shouldn’t be about idea of  dating, it should be because you want them there.

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Does Online Dating Work?

November 1, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Finding someone special is what most of us look  our whole lives for. It isn’t an easy task, and can be worse for some more than others. It can be for a number of reasons, whether it’s a social phobia, insecurities due to looks or weight, or simply to many bad relationships. Whatever the case, many turn to online dating. Does it really work?

When looking to date in the online community, there are many ways to venture out online to begin looking for someone to date. If you look at the likelihood of finding someone with your similar interests just by picking someone by  looks, you would be missing the point of online dating entirely.  The reason online dating has become so effective in today’s world is for a number of reason one being convenience. Imagine how many dates you would have to endure to find someone who even showed similar interests to yours. Online dating has created something that is so effect, if can’t help but make this method of dating successful. The ability to filter.

With a number of candidates in a virtual “Rolodex” waiting to be pursued, how does one go about making it a successful venture? When entering the dating scene you must fill out a questionnaire. These questions will establish your likes, interests, faith, and personal preferences. With some honest truths about yourself included, online dating sites can virtually pair you with potential candidates. Your “profile” will contain all your information and will be able to be viewed by others who have joined the same site. This one little step will allow you a world of opportunity without even leaving your living room.

While some may argue that this lack of social interaction goes against nature in establishing a “chemistry”, there are other advantages to this method. Being able to view a person’s information online can easily give you the information that otherwise may take you a couple of dates to find out. This may not seem like a advantage to most people, but for those who struggle with the social aspect of dating, failure at any level can be devastating.

With sites committed to something as large as faith, it creates an environment for people to talk, exchange life views and get to know someone intellectually before you enter into a physical relationship. Enjoying someone mentally can be a better chemistry than if you were to meet in social setting.

Perhaps the most enticing part of online dating is the control of when you introduce the physical aspect into your relationship. A chemistry that may not have occurred will be established through a mental relationship. The ability to meet at your own discretion will allow you to do so when you are both comfortable with this situation.

It can be a nerve wracking experience to continually date, looking for someone with whom you can share a common thread. Online dating allows you the opportunity to meet, engage in conversation , and connect with someone with whom you can share your inner thoughts. This can be the beginning of a wonderful foundation to a very important relationship.

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Should You Elope?

October 27, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Marriage is a turning point. It’s a time when you decide that you are ready for the  next chapter in your life. What occasion marks this significant transition most? Should it be a traditional ceremony, or is it more appropriate to have an intimate ceremony just  you and your intended? This can be a question that plagues some couples. A ceremony in the privacy of only the two of you  may be something that appeals to you. Consider all the reasons why this is an option before you jump into a decision.

Family Issues

Could it be that you are running away to escape the “monster in law”?  If there are several arguments surrounding your wedding eloping should only be the answer if you and your fiance are both in agreement. From guests list to location there can be many things you and your wedding entourage can fight over. More times than not, in the heat of the moment a bride will scream ” I can’t do this anymore, let’s just elope!” Avoidance while it may work for the moment, still leaves the problems waiting for you when you return.You may regret eloping years down the road if this is your only motivator.

Finances

While this may be true of some couples, this likely can be an excuse for others. Using the “we don’t have the money ” card  can be helpful if your trying to skirt other issues. However, most destination weddings for two can as expensive if not more than a small traditional ceremony. If this truly is the case, than a civil ceremony at your local justice of the peace will be the right move for you.  The cost is low, and if all your want is to be married, than this is the way to do it. It’s true that there are some couples who find the idea of a wedding frivolous, they would rather use the money towards a house or other expenses. Don’t discount the method of their madness. Some wedding costs sky rocket and to those who aren’t as involved in the idea of a wedding, eloping solves the problem.

Location

It doesn’t occur often, but if you happened to be stationed a significant location away from all your immediate family and friends you may want to look at eloping until a later date. Most couples who are faced with this predicament hold a reception once they arrive back in proximity to their families. this can completely serve the purpose at the time.

The most important thing to remember when weighing the decision of eloping is what you and your fiance want. If your reasoning for eloping is to escape any differences of opinions, to avoid uncomfortable family discussions, or because the marriage is against someone’s wishes you may want to reconsider. Eloping shouldn’t be something that you will later regret. It should be a conscious decision made with a clear head, that even is a years time you will still support. It’s been said that a couple who elopes will always think about the wedding that they never had, this may only be true if it’s a decision made in haste.

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What Is Love?

October 21, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Love as a noun is described as;

A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love as a verb is described as;

To have love or affection for, to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person),to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in.

Love is an emotion that can have many different definitions. To often the word “love” is placed where it should not be. To feel this emotion, to any extent is something of a gift. For everyone to say they have found love may be true, but subject to interpretation by many. Because love can be interpreted in so many ways, it is so important to be clear on what you are feeling in a certain situation.

What Is Love?

It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. Yet no one can give the proper definition of love. To some love is friendship set on fire, for others maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Depending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship. This beauty of this emotion and perhaps what leaves many in awe, is the longevity of it. Some love can last a lifetime which when you reflect up on it, can be overwhelming that one emotion can last all that time.

The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity because of what it involves. This kind of love is what can carry people through their days and nights.

It can be argued that without this emotion there would be no emotions at all. Some have said that every emotion is a derivative of love, there is always a connection. The great debate is hat without love there could be no hate. Regardless of how your views of love began, it cannot be denied that this emotion can leave you in awe. It transcends the boundaries that is meets, it’s defies the laws that confines it. It can make the person you are, or it can completely destroy it.

What other emotion can be so all consuming? Something as powerful as this can only be described as a force. There need not be a definition placed, it is an entity.

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How to Deal with a Cheating Spouse

October 20, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are intricate, demanding, and full of the unknown. They require dedication, commitment, respect and the big thing, the “T” word. Trust. It takes time and effort to earn someones trust. The hardest thing to do may be to keep it.

When you commit to someone it should be done with your heart and your head. Of course it takes time to court someone correctly to earn their trust properly, but when you love someone it shouldn’t matter. The time you spend with someone, learning who they are, where they come from and who they aspire to be can be more intimate than a sexual experience. Mental connection between two people is the strongest bond there is. Love is the emotion that grows in response from how two people connect. When that connect is broken it can be devastating. The entire  feeling of trust, commitment and respect is broken. It’s up to you to decide if that connection is repairable.

When your spouse cheats it can tear your world apart, literally. Everything you once knew is now no longer, everything you thought is now shattered. How can you possibly recover? Look at your relationship  to see when and were the breakdown occurred. Sometimes cheating is not simply the act of sexual response, but one of emotional need. If your relationship is lacking, your spouse may have gone looking to fill a void that has left them emotionally empty.

Both parties in the relationship must realize that a relationship break down over time. When that breakdown occurs communication should occur. It’s when this opportunity for communication is ignored (for any number of reasons) that the breakdown in the relationship escalates. Once your spouse cheats it becomes an issue that must be dealt with. If you deal with it, knowing that each of you must accept some responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship, forgiveness may happen. It will take time again to regain respect and commitment. It will take more time to regain trust, if ever at all. The important step is to try if you feel your relationship is worth it.

Loving someone is never an easy task. It can be a long road, but one filled with many ups and downs. How you handle those ups and downs will decide who you are as person, and what relationship will turn out to be. If you know why your spouse cheated you will have a better understanding  of how to deal with it. You should never let yourself be subject to the mental abuse of a repetitive cheater. Someone who repeatedly cheats has more personal issues than can be handled in a relationship. Someone who has lost their way is an entirely different issue.

If your spouse had an affair to supplement the emotional support that was lacking from your relationship with them, it may be that you can repair what you one had. Often times when a connection is so strong, if a distance occurs through the course of the relationship to make it waver it may still be salvageable.

Loving yourself enough is the first and most important thing when dealing with a cheating spouse. If you can do that, you can remain strong and leveled headed. Know what the road to repairing your relationship looks like ,and if your up for it take it slow. If your spouse is cheating often and for a sexual  response you may want to look at if your relationship issues.

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Ideas to Spice Up Your Relationship

October 19, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

So you think your relationships getting a little dull. Have you perhaps fallen into a rut that you don’t know how to get out of? Don’t panic, that’s normal it is the nature of  being in a committed relationship. Don’t mistake a rut in a relationship out to be a problem that’s bigger than it is. It’s the natural course of going through one’s daily life. If you want to put a spark back into your relationship there are a few things that you could try.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

If things have become a little mundane with the rigors of daily life, why not try enticing your partner into a little mental foreplay. Sending sexy photo’s with enticing captions might just bring back the spice you need. For a women, purchase that lingerie outfit you have been to shy to wear, and take your picture. Send it to your man with a caption like “Can’t wait for you to undress this..”. Comments like this are sure to get his blood flowing and get him anticipating the next photo. Not only is this a physical reaction it is a mental one. Feeling a connection to something that seems enticing will keep your mind racing as well as your pulse.

Bringing Sexy Back

Run a hot bath for your partner and place a note in a bottle and leave it in the tub. When they get ready to climb into the water, they will read the note and become surprised at your attention to their needs. This works great for women, even use some candles and play soft music. It will help them enjoy the experience more. It creates an aura of sensual intimacy that has her feeling sexy. What about leaving sexy messages on their work phone or cell phone and remind them what waits for them when they get home. If you partner is on a long business trip, a surprise note in their luggage will only help them remember your love more and start a mental yearning.

To spice up your relationship you need to understand where it is lacking. Is it lacking in the bedroom? What if you decided on spontaneous sex anywhere but the bedroom? Would this help your partner? Perhaps the spice needs to be emotional. Some people need to feel like they connect again. How about scheduling a day trip for some good old fashion romance? What if you are just struggling day to day to get out of the everyday routine with a little spice?

Try jumping into the shower with your spouse when he/she is getting ready in the morning. This unexpected little piece of intimacy can be stolen as your time together or as a precursor for later! Just remember to take the time to find something that can get you back into your relationship with some added spice.

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Take It Slow or Jump to the Alter?

October 18, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Soul mate. That’s what finding that special someone is. It’s about finding the person who completes you. For some it can take a life time to find, for others it seems to happen early on. How can you know if that person is the one?

Here Fishy Fishy….

Have you ever heard the term “there’s plenty more fish in the sea?” Well surely after you broken up with someone, that’s the speech that was given. There is some truth to it. How many people have to be considered before you establish the “one”?  There is always the old saying, “you have to test drive a few cars, before you bring one home”. Does this apply to relationships? It could be that you need to date a wide variety of personality types before you decide to get serious with someone. While this may be outside some peoples comfort zone, it might help with your relationship later on, giving you a sense of confidence in the person you have chosen to be with.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race….

A lasting relationship begins with a solid foundation. A friendship can be the glue that  holds your relationship together. You will find that “friendship” after a lengthy period of serious commitment.  Long after the “newness” of the relationship  wears off  there will be a change in your relationship. This change will determine if  the longevity of your relationship can get you to the alter. Taking a relationship slow allows the couple to find if the initial chemistry which sparked the romance, has some staying power. Finding out who a person is takes some time, some patience and some trust. All of these things are not gained over night they take time to establish. The curves that life can throw your way can show what and how you act like as a couple. This alone can be a tell tale sign of where your relationship is headed.

Jump Jump!

Closing your eyes and jumping into a relationship that heads straight to the alter could have an expected or unexpected outcome. If racing to alter finds you blissfully happy without consequence you could find yourself with one amazing story to tell the grand kids.  On the other hand, plunging into marriage based on a whirl wind romance with the only chemistry being in bedroom could land you directly into divorce court three months later.  There are the odd couple who know instantly that they are meant for each other, or there are those who subscribe to “true love”.

In the end there are no sure fire ways to know if your relationship will go the distance, so the best you can do is trust your heart and your head.

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Fear of Commitment

October 14, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are a complex bond between two people. It’s no wonder frustration can mount when the issue of commitment rears it’s ugly head. No two relationships are the same , just like no two people are the same. To enter into a relationship with the ever present “wall” built up is counter productive.  What this truly is, is a fear of commitment. It is important to understand why a person has such a fear, and if it is in fact valid. The validity of this fear can stem from previous relationships which have ended badly or simply from the fear of the unknown. It is best to identify each person in the relationship and how a fear of commitment could  possibly be established.

On the Female Side

While this is general statement, more times than not it is a true one. Women typically have a fear of commitment from simply having a previous bad relationship. Women who have been “burned” , seem to be a little more shy to trust and commit to their next fella. It is important to note here that trust and commitment go hand in hand. If a women does not trust the man she is with, she cannot commit to him. If in a previous relationship the trust was rocked,  it can very devastating to a women. To trust again, regardless of the individual can be almost impossible thus creating a fear of commitment. With the right person, enough time and patience the fear of commitment can dissipate and trust can be restored. Understanding a women’s general make up , listening to how and why she began to feel this way is an integral part of starting a healthy relationship with her.

From the Male Side

Just like understanding a women, a man’s fear of commitment needs to be understood. While there are exceptions to every rule, a general statement here can be made, that a mans fear of commitment  is due to the loss of freedom. A man equates freedom with being single. Being single represents, no ties, no obligations, and certainly no one to answer to. When you introduce commitment into that scenario it can be difficult and downright impossible to get a man to change his view. To overcome a fear of commitment for a man, he must first be with a women that he himself is truly enamoured with. Being told that a commitment needed is never the way to ensure one.

A commitment must be of a man’s on volition in order for it to be solid. A man must come to his own decision, that he wants to be in a loving committed relationship. When this occurs, he will know that his freedom is still his although it is shared with the person he loves.  When this realization occurs, a healthy stable relationship occurs.

Trying to force commitment for anyone is never  a way to achieve it. Neither men or women need to rush a relationship in order to to make it  solid one. Time, nurturing ,trust and patience is all it takes for two people to start to make a commitment.

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