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When to Take Relationship Advice

November 18, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

According to the social media, your relationship is probably in dire need of help.  If you listened to every Twitter update, Facebook post and blog update you would be in constant need of relationship rescue. The real question is when does your relationship need advice?  If your in a relationship for the first time  you probably feel that your every move is subject to speculation. If your a veteran of a relationship you probably don’t pay attention to outside influences. There is a happy medium some where in the middle. But just when is it that you take relationship advice?

The Rut

When your relationship starts to get into a rut it can be time to seek out some advice. Not knowing how to add some spice into relationship can be good cause for some suggestion. It never hurts to ask around for some ideas. A rut in a relationship can make for some tense and awkward alone time so trying to find a way to alleviate that can certainly help. Every relationship has whats called a “dry spell”. Wanting to find someone to help with this is a natural reaction, so seek some advice.

The Commitment

More than once in a relationship the topic of commitment has come into question. Needing to ask someone if your relationship has commitment issues, or how  to deal with it if it does is a well deserved reason for some advice. Commitment issues can be a very touchy subject in some relationships and needing to get a second opinion on the situation is justifiable. Sometimes, no matter the length of the relationship, it still can help to have some advice.

The Break Up

While it is a very personal decision to break up with the person your in a relationship with, it may help to talk it over with someone first. It may be that you are finding yourself wondering should you or shouldn’t you? Are perhaps seeing things unclearly, or maybe you have misread a situation which has lead to a bad reaction. Before you go ahead and break up with someone it may be better if you talk it over with someone else. This is an appropriate time to ask someone for their advice on the situation as you may need the moral support.

Asking for advice on your relationship can happen whatever the circumstance. The idea is not to constantly keep your relationship in the gossip circuit, but to ask for advice from a trusted source to help when you need it. Asking anyone for advice is probably not the best way to keep the respect in your relationship either. Try talking to someone who has some experience in the situation or even someone that you trust. As long as you are comfortable discussing your relationship it should make the process easier when asking for advice. Also make sure your partner is aware that your are seeking advice, otherwise this may be cause for a whole new problem.

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Why Communication Is Important in a Relationship

November 17, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

I married my best friend. Have you every heard someone say that? It can be very true. Being in any relationship should have that element to it. Knowing your with someone you share many things with, but the act of friendship is possibly the most important. Why? Because  it breeds friendship which is the best foundation for communication in a relationship. How can you establish trust which is a key ingredient in a relationship if you don’t first have the proper communication? There are few way to view why communication is so important.

Is it a Fling or Just a Thing?

Getting longevity out of a relationship can only depend on what you put into it. Knowing that you are trying to establish a foundation of trust and respect will make communication easier in your relationship. So many of us wonder why our relationships aren’t as strong as they should be. If you are in a relationship for the long haul you put all the effort you have into making it able to sustain. Effective and constant communication is the key. If your in a relationship for a short period of time, likely you won’t find it necessary to put so much effort in.

Are You Silent, or Stubborn?

When your in a relationship it is natural to argue. It can be also a natural reaction to want to walk away and not discuss what your feeling. While taking step back might be wise from a temper stand point, bottling up your feelings is harmful to your relationship. Inevitably your feelings will mount, causing frustration, aggravation and resentment. These feelings will be extremely difficult to deal with because they will be an accumulation of prior issues.

Being stubborn by withholding communication will get you no where. It certainly will only harm your relationship. Taking a moment to compose yourself into a calmer state is a great idea. Open communication with a cool head will help solve any issues at hand. Being able to discuss an issue with tensions contained will allow the room for progress. This is an important step in your relationship. Being able to freely speak with emotion can bring your bond closer together.

Are You In?

Making yourself available for those discussion that can be uncomfortable or awkward is all part of being in a relationship. No one wants to be uncomfortable, but some things need to be discussed even if they make you feel bad. There will always be tense situations that have to be dealt with, running away isn’t an option unless you are walking away from your relationship also.  Making sure you are there to listen, support and accept accountability when the time calls for it, is a very important part of your relationship. Otherwise there is no communication, and your relationship becomes a one sided venture.

Asking the hard questions, and demanding more of yourself might be called for if open communication is outside your comfort zone. In the end , your relationship will either be better for it, or it will end. At the very least you can take comfort in knowing what every happens will be based on your decisions, and not your inability to communicate.

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10 Ways to Know Your Relationship is in Trouble

November 11, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

When a relationship is good, it is great. Nothing feels better than knowing our relationship is solid and on track. This feeling is so satisfying that when issues pop up it can begin to make you aware that perhaps there is trouble in paradise. Is there a difference between a rough patch and trouble? It can definitely depend on what the tell tale signs of trouble are.

  1. You don’t like who you are anymore. Being with someone should make you feel good about yourself. If you notice that through your relationship you start to dislike who your are , or who your becoming it may be an indicator that your relationship is in trouble. Once you start to notice that your becoming a certain way that is undesirable , you should take a step back to realize why.
  2. Looking forward to seeing each other should be on the top of your priority list.  If your finding yourself under excited to see the person your in a relationship with there can be a problem, your realtionship is in trouble. Wanting to see the person your with whatever and wherever the circumstance.
  3. Bragging rights. When your with a person, talking about about them and  their accomplishments should be on your “want to do” list. If your finding yourself ignoring the opportunity to brag about your partner, even in the most insignificant way there can be a problem.
  4. Interesting. Do you find yourself not feeling the “interested factor” anymore. You should  feel that your partner interests you, and what he/she has to say. If you find yourself wishing that you were in another conversation with someone else there is a problem in your relationship.
  5. Quirky or annoying. If you know your partner has quirks you can overlook them if your in a good place. If your finding the quirks to be no longer quirky and more annoying, there can be trouble in your relationship.
  6. Immediate break up syndrome. If every time you fight, your immediate thought is to break up in order to end your fight, your relationship may be in trouble.
  7. If their gone, they are gone. Having that attitude can definitely hurt your relationship. You should want to keep your partner, not be indifferent.
  8. Being together isn’t a “just because” situation. Being with someone out of lack of something better to do can be devastating.  This is a sure recipe for trouble in your relationship.
  9. Not wishing your “trading up” to a more attractive model will mean your happy with your relationship. If your finding yourself often times attracted to other people it could be your not happy with your current partner.
  10. What is love? Being with someone should make you want more. Want to take your relationship to the next level. If you feel that love is not in your midst, or don’t even want it, there may be trouble in your relationship.

Knowing there is trouble in your relationship, takes reading the signs that occur along the way. Listening to your inner self about happiness, needs and wants in a relationship will tell you if in fact your in trouble in your current one.

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How to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level

November 4, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Believe me, I know how hard it is to cope when you are ready for a bigger commitment and your partner isn’t. In this 3 minute read you will learn what I have discovered to move things along a bit faster.

Relationships are a difficult area in your life to manage. Knowing what to do, when to say the right thing can be a guessing game for most. How to to take your relationship  to the next level can be just as confusing. What signals your relationship to move ahead? Reading these signs correctly can be challenging. Even more so, acting on these signs, when should you? These are the types of things you should ask yourself when your in a relationship. It will only serve to make a better foundation later on in your relationship.

Knowing how to take your relationship to the next level is part and parcel with when to do it. Obviously timing is everything. If your relationship is new, then jumping to quickly to the next level can do a number of things. If your relationship is in the early stages, proceeding to quickly can actually be the end of it. If your relationship doesn’t end, it can certainly cast some doubt on the judgement of your partner.  This can create a host of emotions that would otherwise have not arisen.

Knowing when the time is right to move to the next level will depend on how your relationship is progressing. Sometimes there is a natural course of action that will occur, and progression will happen on it’s own. If  this isn’t happening then perhaps there is a reason. Moving to the next level shouldn’t be forced. Moving stages in your relationship shouldn’t be an obligation, or something you feel should be done. It should be because you and your partner feel that this is the next logical step. It also should not be because your feeling pressure by your partner to move the relationship along, especially if your uncomfortable with the situation moving forward.

Knowing how to move your relationship forward once you have established it is the right time is totally dependant on your comfort level. Being able to read the signs from your partner may not be as easy as you would think.  Just because you exchange some smiles and have had some successful dates, doesn’t mean that is the “green light” for anything more. Having direct dialogue is really the best course of action you can take. Without being pushy, you can always discuss where you feel the relationship is going. Having tactful conversation, even in small amounts will allow you the opportunity to be comfortable with the level you both decide your relationship is going to.

It is important to remember how you take your relationship to the next level,  it involves more than just you. While you may be ready to move along on this journey, your partner may not be. Patience in this event is a virtue. Don’t jeopardize your relationship because your a little over zealous , some people arrive at different stations in life than others. Being empathetic, gentle and honest is the best option when you decide to take your relationship to the next level.

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How to End a Relationship Without Heartbreak

November 3, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Relationships are sometimes difficult to be in. They can be more difficult to get out of. Ending a relationship is a sometimes a necessary evil, but it must be done. How you do you go about breaking up with someone and avoiding the heartbreak?  Trying to end a relationship on a good note is not the easiest thing to achieve. How can you say good bye to someone without making it a “heart break” situation?

The way you end a relationship should be in keeping with the stage of your relationship. If you have been dating someone for only four months, being able to say that your relationship isn’t going to work out shouldn’t be a heart break situation. Having an adult discussion over a meal, that your relationship isn’t going in  the direction you had envisioned should be a sufficient way to end your relationship. In four months time, if there has been little discussion has been had about future, family or commitment it shouldn’t be an awkward conversation to approach.

A relationship that has been committed for some time, has a level of committed and intimacy that deserves to be handled with a little more finesse. If a relationship is beginning to fizzle out emotionally, it can be no shock to either party that the relationship is about to end. Emotions can run high due to the anxiety and stress, knowing what must be done.  Keeping things honest and mature will alleviate the need for anger and resentment. Sadness is natural course that you will take during the last moments of your relationship ending. However, an over emotional breakup can be devastating. Avoiding heartbreak is all in how you handle your good bye. Naturally if your living together, the actual move will be a crushing time, but it does not have to be. If you have decided your relationship has run it’s course, having no future you must openly convey that to your partner. Being able to say that you feel there is not a reason to pursue your further will be a difficult conversation.

The key to this conversation being a successful mature conversation is doing it while your calm. If and when you have finally come to this conclusion, ask your partner to sit down and talk. even talking over a glass of wine can be very calming allowing you to discuss the relationship openly. You may both feel the same way and choose to end it mutually.

Knowing that you are both on the same page will help the healing process immensely. Having this open dialogue will allow a closure to your relationship that will start your heart to mend. While there will be sadness, knowing that you have discussed this leaves no room for doubt in your decisions which only helps your heartbreak.

It’s never easy to bring a chapter of your life to an end, but it would be easier for all parties included to move on, if the relationship was ended without heartbreak. When all the dusts settles, it is better to keep a cool head for all your break up discussions.

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How to Handle a Clingy Relationship

October 29, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

The first kiss, it’s a moment to treasure. Those first few months in a new relationship can be full of new experiences. It is a time when you can’t think of anything else but that special someone.  When your with them, all you can do is want to be with them and no where else. When your not with them, your constantly wondering when you are going to be with them again. Everything is so new and exciting that it’s almost an adrenaline rush.

Constantly checking for the slightest hint that the other person is thinking of you, you check emails, text messages and phone messages. You live for that flirty little message that says “I am thinking of you”. This is all normal in the early stages of a relationship. The constant excitement of finding out who two people are when they are together can almost be addicting, but when is it too much?

Being with someone shouldn’t become an annoyance, it should be a pleasure. Usually the excitement dissipates to a level where you function separately as a couple, but come together as the occasion arises. It should not be forced, it should not be awkward. There is a fine line between getting to know someone and become what’s known as “clingy”. How can you differentiate between the two?

Knowing when too much is too much. If you have passed the stage of getting to know one another for the first few weeks and have settled into a routine of dating, there will be the occasion for communication throughout the time you are not together. Occasional messages to say , “I am thinking of you” are a welcomed sign of affection. The incessant messages which come with a sense of urgency are what will be the indicator things may not be progressing as they should. Messages that are filled with a frantic sense, be it in writing or in a person’s voice can be a turn off completely.

There are other indicators beside the constant need for communication. Being with someone you like means you enjoy their company. Needing to be within reach of that person as well can be an immediate red flag. While a gentle touch is a nice reminder that you are into a person, when it escalates in a “mauling”, this may also give way to a clingy person.

Handling a clingy relationship should be done with care. How you handle it will depend on the person and how they respond. Too much to fast can be a massive indicator that things are going to progress to quickly. Knowing why a person is clingy is your best recourse at dealing with it. Is it because they are new to relationships and feel that this is the expected way to handle it? Whatever the case, an open conversation will give you the insight you need to decide whether this is a relationship you want to pursue. Someone who is clingy in the beginning of a relationship may progress to unbearable in a few months time.

Differentiate if the person you are with is clingy or controlling. After you have a frank open discussion, be mindful of the persons feelings. Adjust how often you speak, how often you are together to see if that makes a difference. Creating boundaries early on will set the tone for how the relationship will proceed.  If you find that being open about your likes and dislikes in a relationship has improved it, perhaps your partner is just new to how to handle a relationship. If you find you are being “smothered” by your partner, perhaps there are more issues in play than you are aware of, and you need to handle it accordingly.

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Is Your Relationship Headed in the Right Direction?

October 26, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Being in a relationship can be wonderful. It can be loving, it can be romantic and it can be everything you ever dreamed. It also can be what you never expected. If this is the case, how will you know if your relationship is headed in the right direction? This can be a difficult assessment. What will let you know where you relationship is going? It may be beneficial to look at where relationship is, before you can asses where it will head.

Are You Hot or Are You Not?

Many people assume that heat in your relationship will dissipate in time , therefor establishing a comfort level that says, “hey we are like an old married couple”.  The misconception here is that “the old married couple” don’t still have the chemistry they once did. Happily married couples maintain their chemistry, that’s one of the key’s to longevity in a relationship. While you may be “comfortable” with someone in a relationship, that isn’t necessarily a good thing. Shoes are comfortable, your relationship should be more than that.

Are You Move In Material?

There is no time statute on when you should ask someone to move in with you. It should be that you want someone to move in with you, not that you ought too. Many couples move through the motions, literally. If you have the “sleepovers” in your relationship, with no progression to “move in” status than perhaps your relationship is at a stale mate. If you can’t commit to more than a sleep over with your partner, then maybe your relationship isn’t going to go any further.

Ready, Set, Go!

If your relationship seems to be on a fast track, look at where that fast track is going. Is it on the fast track to nowhere?  That is definitely quite possible. Many couples “complete” each phase of a relationship as though it were a race. Only to find in the end that the race has a disappointing finish. Some couples have realized this right at the alter.

If you are truly headed in the right direction in your relationship, there really is no time frame. The time you spend with one another is for learning about each other, connecting on more than one level, earning trust. Don’t pay attention to relationships around you.  Getting caught up in someone else’s relationship can put undue pressure on your own.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that dating has an expiry date. Your relationship will head in the direction you need it to in it’s own good time. Throughout the course of relationship you will know if your feelings are growing into something stronger with more depth. This is how you can judge for yourself if your relationship is heading in the right direction. There are no manuals, no instructions and no cheat sheets for the right direction of a relationship. All you need to know, is that you and your partner communicate openly, the rest will fall into place.

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Living Happily Ever After

October 25, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Is there ever such as thing? Living happliy ever after is something we reaad in fairy tales, and don’t neccerassirly use to describe our real lives. Is it a real state of live that can be achieved, or is it something that can never be applied to real life?

Relationships can often be trying at times and we may often wonder is this it? Am I really happy? We can spend more time wondering if we actually achieved happily ever after than really actually living it. Can one person really define how you live happily ever? The bigger question is how do you know if you have reached the point that you can say you have it?

It can be supposed that this state can be open to interpretation. What constitutes happiness in a relationship? Does this mean wealth, stability, children? For each person the happiness in their lives is specific to their needs. Many people dream of fame and fortune. Excessive amounts of wealth could mean for someone that they can live happily ever after. The ability to purchase anything and everything, travel endlessly and never have a care in the world when it comes to your bank account is some peoples dream.

True love. Some people search the world for someone who in every way completes them. A person who shares their inner most thoughts, fears and dreams. To search for what seems like forever for someone who touches your soul can be a long journey. When that journey is complete,and you have comitted to forever with that someone, all your fears are laid to rest. You will feel that you have finally hit happily ever after, knowing that you have found someone to be by your side.

Children could be the happily ever after for a couple. Couples who have trouble conceiving would go to any length to be able to have children. Most would move heaven and earth to make their dream come true. If that dream can be fulfilled by any means necessary, that couple would feel they are now living happily ever after.

Everyone’s version of living happily ever after can range from where they have decided to live, to what job they have taken, to how many children they have. Living happily ever after isn’t a “thing” it’s a state of mind. When you have finally decided to want what you have instead of wanting what you haven’t got, it will change your life. Knowing what your state of happiness is can set the stage for the rest of your life. Happiness is there for the taking, all you have to do is learn how to take you piece of it.

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How to Keep Communication In Your Relationship

October 22, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Communication is the foundation that a healthy strong committed relationship is built on. Of course there are many other aspects of a relationship that are essential in it’s successhowever communication holds the most important role. Determining how to keep these lines open will help keep your relationship in good health.

Keeping communication open in a relationship is a daily effort and must be by both parties. Because it is a daily effort there are several things you can do in your relationship to maintain you and partner continue sharing. Communication is about more than asking how each other’s day went. Communication is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, even when they are difficult. Telling your partner the feelings you would rather keep private may be one of the hardest things you have to do, but will keep your relationship honest. If is never easy to engage in a conversation when you know it has the potential to hurt someone, or cause friction in your relationship.

Being open with your feelings is an admirable quality when it is done in a healthy, adult manner. Spontaneous outbursts of anger does not constitute open communication. Communication should be the exchange of thoughts and feelings done so in an open manner. It is a two way process, with support for both parties the relationship.

Establishing the proper channels of communication can take time and effort .This should be the main goal in the relationship in order to cement  the proper foundation. Just how does one go about doing this?  Establish early on that when feelings get hurt, they should be discussed. Bottling up feelings of hurt or embarrassment can lead to very serious feelings of resentments which can ultimate contribute to breakdown in a relationship.

There is a place in every relationship for feelings such as anger. It is what you do with those emotions that will dictate how your relationship will commence after an argument. To keep the communication going, talk to your partner about the situation and acknowledge  any accountability. Once you are able to work through those feelings, talking them through to actually solve the problem Will make communication easier.

Keeping things honest is often difficult in a relationship. A new relationship can be difficult to maneuver especially if you are not sure of what constitutes communication. It doesn’t mean that necessarily every occurrences in the day needs to be discussed, but the situations and events that are significant should be talked about throughout the course of the conversation that are exchanged. Keeping both parties up to date and involved in each aspect of the relationship makes for feelings of satisfaction and contentment.  When each person feels “involved” in the others daily events it means the communication can flow freely.

As time progresses it becomes easier to identify the communication that has it’s place in a relationship  also how and when it should occur.  This process can be uncomfortable as each person grasps for the right words to adequately convey the feelings and emotions that are occurring. This is extremely normal and will get easier with time. The key is that no matter how difficult this may be at first, forging ahead to maintain the communication is what’s important.

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What Is Love?

October 21, 2010 By Karen Hiser Leave a Comment

Love as a noun is described as;

A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love as a verb is described as;

To have love or affection for, to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person),to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in.

Love is an emotion that can have many different definitions. To often the word “love” is placed where it should not be. To feel this emotion, to any extent is something of a gift. For everyone to say they have found love may be true, but subject to interpretation by many. Because love can be interpreted in so many ways, it is so important to be clear on what you are feeling in a certain situation.

What Is Love?

It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. Yet no one can give the proper definition of love. To some love is friendship set on fire, for others maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Depending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship. This beauty of this emotion and perhaps what leaves many in awe, is the longevity of it. Some love can last a lifetime which when you reflect up on it, can be overwhelming that one emotion can last all that time.

The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity because of what it involves. This kind of love is what can carry people through their days and nights.

It can be argued that without this emotion there would be no emotions at all. Some have said that every emotion is a derivative of love, there is always a connection. The great debate is hat without love there could be no hate. Regardless of how your views of love began, it cannot be denied that this emotion can leave you in awe. It transcends the boundaries that is meets, it’s defies the laws that confines it. It can make the person you are, or it can completely destroy it.

What other emotion can be so all consuming? Something as powerful as this can only be described as a force. There need not be a definition placed, it is an entity.

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