ѕhουld іt bother mе thаt mу wife considers hеr wedding ring аѕ another piece οf jewlery аnd οnlу wears іt whеn wе gο out somewere аnd ѕhе doesnt treat іt lіkе thе sacred symbol οf marriage іtѕ supposed tο bе?Alѕο ѕhουld іt bother mе іf ѕhе hasnt changed hеr maiden name уеt,οn hеr D.L. οr SS card? аnd weve bееn married over a 1 аnd a half!!!!
well im іn thе military аnd іn iraq,ѕhе οnlу hаѕ mу name οn hеr military I.D.,ive qυеѕtіοnеd hеr аbουt іt before ,ѕhе ѕаіd shes gone tο dο іt bυt thе lines wеrе tοο long,idk,maybe im јυѕt mаkіng thе problem lаrgеr thаn іt іѕ.аnd thе ring, yeah ѕhе οnlу puts іt οn whеn wе gο out,іf ѕhе keeps up thе nοt wearing іt things, im јυѕt gonna tеll h er well gеt rid οf both ουr rings. ѕhе knows аbουt thеѕе problems bυt,doesnt nοt fix thеm οr mаkеѕ excuses οn fixing thеm.
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Yea, she doesn’t really care about the marriage. She’s acting as if the two of you are still dating. Get a divorce.
The first one looks a problem than the second one……….talk to her.
The ring thing would bother me if there was no reason for her not to wear it like a job or something. The name thing wouldn’t bother me much. My sister in law has been married 8 yrs and hasn’t done it yet. I’ve been married 4 months & don’t even want to reckon about it yet.
I would have a talk with her as to the meaning of the wedding ring. Yes, that would really bother me if my partner wouldn’t wear their ring.
As for the name? NO WAY. I have my name and it’s who I am. No one has the right to change it but me.
I wouldnt be worried too much about her not changing her name. Some women take a while and some never change it on stuff. But, i would also be upset about the wedding ring. I agree that it is a symbol of marriage and I have never taken mine off. (only been married 4 months, but dont plot to take it off other then for cleaning). Have you told her that it upsets you and questioned her why she hasnt changed her name yet? Maybe just bring it up to her.
well yes its weird that she only wears on nights out! unless it doesnt fit i dont see why she wouldnt wear it all the time! and the surname – well i took my hubbys but kept mine too cos his was a bit weird! some people feel odd about being called by a different name. i wouldnt worry about that
That would bother me too, for sure. I would talk to her about it. Maybe help her with the process of changing her name like getting the paper work, etc just to show her that it is vital to you. Have you tried talking to her about the ring thing? If not I would maybe remind her that most women and men where their rings at all times except for if they have a dirty job or are sleeping… She should be PROUD to wear that ring all the time to tell everyone who looks at it that she is happily married!
The wedding ring is a symbol of your commitment and unity with eachother as man and wife. It is certainly NOT just another piece of jewelry. She only wears it when you go somewhere together?? what is she just married part time then? What is she doing the rest of the time…you better check that out, I would say.
I’m sorry, but just like your gut feeling and reason is telling you…something is not right.
I’m sorry.
Give her time, and don’t nag her about it.
I’m not trying to take her side, but my dad never wears his ring because he works with heavy machinery and stuff so he could lose his finger if he got caught on something. Also, she might not want to get her name changed because she wants to keep her name, which happens sometimes. But, whatever the case you need to talk to her about your feelings. It will help your relationship in general, but also get things straightened out. If she does care about you, she will care about your feelings and tell you the truth, and sometimes it’s not anything to worry about. When you do talk to her, try not to question her when she’s already upset about something, and make sure she knows you’re trying to talk to her seriously, and with no offense intended (because if she’s making a gender statement or something, which she should have told you about anyways, it might insult her if you say “so I noticed you haven’t taken my name like you should have.” lol)
Excellent luck!
Maybe she doesn’t realize how vital these things are to you. Talk to her and see. From a personal standpoint I feel the same as you about the ring, but I am married and I haven’t changed my name. It doesn’t mean I like my husband any less, but I have a career and people know me by my maiden name so I keep it. My husband can’t wear his ring because it is a safety hazard, so he only wears it when he gets home. Try talking to her, and hopefully she will change her behavior and name because it is vital to you. If not, you might have other larger issues at hand.
If her wedding ring is not a
wide band-which can make it hard to wear-then
she should be wearing it all the time-but because
she wants to-and she SHOULD want to
As for her married name-does she use it everywhere
and has just not changed it-cause there is a huge
difference between not using anywhere and just
not going thru the hassle of changing it with
those agencies
It is hard to make a honest judgment because we
have so small information-
You need to calmly let your wife know that
these things bother you and why.
Tell her what you want from her and unless
she has some really convincing reasons to
ignore you-then you need to leave her now-before
you are stupid enough to bring children into a
home full of disrespect
sigh…….
Listen, many women only wear their wedding rings when they leave the home….they don’t want it to get banged, scratched, and hurt by common house work and the chemicals such as laundry bleach and other cleaning detergents can cause…..on top of that if water or moisture seeps under the ring and get trapped she can end up with a very itchy and uncomfortable rash that can crack, bleed and while it heals she cannot wear any ring at all. I have this problem and cannot shower or clean with the band on.
A woman whose fingers are puffy in the mornings find their wedding bands hurt or are uncomfortable…maybe this is another reason? I have this problem as well due to arthritis.
My grandmother’s hands swelled from arthritis so terrible once her ring had to be cut off her finger-it was cutting off circulation and could not be removed by any other means. It could not be repaired because it was an intricate orange blossom design.
….on top of that, the marriage vows are sacred, and the marriage is,not the pretty piece of metal on her ring finger…all it is, a wedding band, is a symbolic piece of jewelry with sentimental meaning…it doesn’t make her married or keep her married, right?
…and many settings /stones on these rings can scratch furniture, make pulls in material, scratch the tender skin of babies especially when diapering them,and if a prong gets pulled or hurt, it can cause a stone to fall out…would you want that kind of repair bill?
Too many people get wrapped up in things….as long as she’s married in heart, mind, and soul, what is the problem?
It’s her attitude and feelings towards the marriage, her willingness to invest in it, nurture it, where her emphasis should be.
As far as the name change…many women prefer keeping their maiden name as symbolizes their individuality, or continues the family name if her father has no male heirs…what’s the huge deal anyway? It’s hr personal choice and in no way reflects commitment or lack of to the marriage or you.
So, Cupcake, she’s NOT abusing the wedding band…she’s taking very excellent care of it and if she wishes to keep her maiden name, so what?
If I were you I’d be more concerned about insecurities which are coloring your feelings here, rather than her wearing her ring or not wearing it at home, or what her last name is….excellent luck.
Edit : I cannot BELIEVE these negative answers “a house of disrespect…?????.” wow…..honey ASK the wife why….I bet her answer will open your eyes ! It’s a piece of metal folks! GET REAL!!!!!!!!
She does not respect you and does not feel the marriage is vital…You need to have a long serious talk with her
and question her what she wants of make of your marriage.
Tell her that a marriage takes two people to make it work
and if she is not interested then you may as well quit wasting
time and end the marriage so you can both get on with your lives.
stop whining u dont own her, whinge whinge whinge,women despise whiny men! !! !
The ring thing is no problem but the last name thing should be if you’ve voiced your displeasure. Guys don’t do well at buying wedding rings. The jewelers make a point at tricking you into some God-dreadful piece of junk that is set way too expensive. Then the wife just goes back and replaces it with something better. Jewelers have a win-win situation and life goes on. Now about the taking of your name….. Did you discus this with her before the vows? To tell you the truth, it is an ancient tradition. Yeah, it still happens but ancient traditions tend to go the way of the dinosaur. I mean did you question her father for her hand in marriage or just her? See, things change. Sad thing is that when you cling to one tradition, but, discard the rest, you get labeled as a hypocrite. Communication (not arguments or heated debates) will always be the cornerstone of a loooong marriage. Question her why she has chosen not to take your name in a non-threatening, rather indifferent, kind of manner.
Did you discuss either of these things before you got married? Does she know how vital these things are to you?
I know some women who just choose to keep their maiden names for business/professional reasons. That’s how their education certificates read, so that’s the name they go under. Its not a slur on the men they married, its just a legitimate alternative.
As to the ring, perhaps she doesn’t feel she needs a symbol of your like because she lives it every day?
Is she non-traditionalist in other ways too? Is this just a continuation of the lifestyle she has lived? Is she unlikely to realize how vital this is to you, simply because its not to her?
But the only way you are going to know is to talk to her about it, question her why she chooses this and let her know what you’d prefer she does.
Unless she works in a job where it could be perilous to wear jewelry, she should have no excellent reason for not wearing it. In fact, most women show it off to other women, especially the single ones. The “who’s got the largest diamond” or prettiest setting “competition” comes to mind. Kinda like guys and who’s got the fastest car. If she’s not proud enough of it to wear it all the time, I’d get her a very plain single gold band, and make the swap. Hang onto the excellent ring in case she changes her mind after a while. Then give it back under the condition that she wears it all the time. You wear yours all the time, don’t you?
It’s also possible that she hasn’t committed completely to the marriage and hasn’t changed her name to reflect that. And, unless she has a bunch of degrees or professional licenses under her maiden name, there’s no real reason for her not to change her name. Have you really come out and questioned her why she doesn’t wear the ring, or why she hasn’t changed her I.D.’s ?? Don’t get mad or real demanding…. just question the direct question and then wait for the answer. Make your choice based on her answers.
1) its just jewelry
2) its just a name
I would just open up and tell her how you feel and let her know that that is something that bothers you and question her why she does those things?