I hаνе a few friends аnd cousins whο сhοѕе tο gеt married іn a courthouse аnd thеn a year later hаνе a hυgе wedding.
One wаѕ prego, thе οthеr one јυѕt wanted tο gеt married аѕ soon аѕ possible bυt coudn’t afford a hυgе wedding аt thе time.
Sοmе οf mу family thinks іt’s rude tο hаνе two weddings. I rесkοn maybe thеу аrе ancient fashioned.
I rесkοn іt’s becoming a nеw trend. I’m nοt going tο dο thіѕ, I οnlу want one wedding, іt uncomplicates things.
Bυt hаνе уου noticed more аnd more people doing thіѕ? And whу dο уου rесkοn іt’s incorrect/rіght?
All opinions wanted. Thanks!
…bυt WHY dο уου rесkοn іt’s a tеrrіblе thουght? I don’t know. Sοmе people ѕау іt’s begging fοr extra gifts. I really don’t rесkοn ѕο. I rесkοn people gеt caught up іn thе moment аnd јυѕt want tο bе married straight away, аnd thеn hаνе thаt nice wedding later. Whаt’s ѕο incorrect wіth thаt? Whο іѕ іt hurting?
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I don’t really believe in having two weddings. I reckon it is fine to have a wedding and a renewal of vows, but two weddings is ridiculous, especially because in the second one you’re already married!
I have a friend who got married in a courthouse last April and wants to have “the huge white wedding” in a year. I really don’t see any point in it. If you can’t afford that huge wedding and want it, then you can wait another year and build up savings.
Also, I feel like people are focusing less on the fact that they married the like of their life, and just want the huge party. If I married my boyfriend in a courthouse in jeans and a t-shirt (as long as our families were there), I would be just as pleased as getting married in a huge, expensive place, with a huge party.
I have noticed that and I reckon it’s a dumb thought to plot the reception later.Once you say I do,you are married and reception is to be followed.
I personally don’t like it because your first wedding is your wedding. Anything else is a celebration of the marriage. That in and of itself is fine, but when fashioning it like a reception it is a gift grab. I bring a gift because I am invited to see the event of you getting married. I am not going to bring a gift because you wanted a party.
I have no problems with having a large party to celebrate. But don’t wear the huge dress, don’t have a bridal party, don’t register for gifts, and don’t call it a ‘wedding.’
I have seen this… my best friend did this. When she and her husband went to the courthouse, they didn’t have any money for a formal ceremony and reception. Therefore, they didn’t have one.
About 4 years later they realized that they really wanted to have a wedding ceremony and reception because they never were able to have all their family get together to celebrate. So, on their 5th year anniversary, they had a huge bash where everyone came. No one thought it was dumb because these were all her friends and family who like them and want the best for them. They did this because of their lack of money to start with.
Another reason is because of military weddings. My husband enlisted for the USMC before we were married and we wanted to get married during the week long (or so) release that he would get right after bootcamp. That didn’t allow for hardly any kind of a honeymoon or ability to plot for a nice huge wedding (since it was a shot in the dark) so we were going to get married in the courthouse, then have a formal ceremony and reception later. My hubby finished up with a heart problem and was forced to leave the USMC, so we didn’t go with that route, but there are others who DO go with that option.
Sometimes people just don’t have the finances in the beginning, or the available time. It’s really a preference and its up to the couple. I simply have no problem with it. During these hard economic times, I can completely know couples who have a formal ceremony and reception at a time when they do have the money.
I can see your arguments “what’s so incorrect with that” and “who is it hurting” but I really reckon wherever possible people should try to have 1 wedding and only 1.
I honestly reckon this is becoming a larger trend because of extenuating circumstances – health insurance, legal issues, military deployment – where people run to a JOP after they had started plotting the “huge white wedding” and realized it would help them to be married legally sooner than they had been plotting.
I really don’t see any issue when these sorts of things happen – - because the “huge white wedding” was always being plotted.
I don’t quite know the “I just can’t wait to be married” or “I can’t afford it so lets do a JOP and wait a year or more and have the huge white wedding”. If people are open about it, I don’t reckon it is a huge deal or that it is really ‘hurting’ anyone, I just don’t see what the harm is in waiting until you can afford it.
I reckon it’s stupid, especially for christians. I really know if the person doesn’t have a choice – for instance, it was very hard for couples to have pagan weddings because there were few legal pagan officiants due to state laws. They are stuck – they must have separate legal and religious wedding. But for christians to do this in the US, it makes marriage a farce.
Are more and more people doing this? Not that I know of. Certainly not amongst my family and friends. If someone marries at the courthouse, they usually have a reception sometime later and I’m fine with that. If someone was having a do-over, as you describe, I wouldn’t attend. You get ONE wedding (to that person).
As to ‘who does it hurt?’ It tells younger people that marriage is all about the ‘wedding’. A fluffy party. Huh? I thought the focus was on marriage?
I personally wouldn’t do the “2″ wedding “thing”, only because I feel it kind of misses the point: weddings are about a union of two people who like each other legally coming together in front of an officiator and a witness. Once that is done, I believe it’s DONE. Although I’m not against it for any reason, I just reckon one wedding hits the mark when it comes to “doing the job’!
I heard of the two-wedding scenario lately watching one of the many wedding shows now in production (I reckon I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress”), and the couple had a destination wedding and then were home and plotting to have the “huge” reception with friends and family.
I guess there are tons of reasons why people WOULD in fact have the “multiple” wedding scenarios, two of which you mentioned (not enough money at the time of the “first” wedding, and the pregnancy being the reason for the second couple). I reckon it’s sweet to do the vowl renewal when a couple hits a certain milestone, although I reckon it should be perhaps much smaller than the first wedding, and if the couple has children, I reckon it would be sweet to have them being an active part of the vowl renewal.
As far as who the “second wedding is hurting”, I agree that it doesn’t hurt anyone, and if a couple want to have a million and a half weddings, more power to them! I do reckon there are other parties and celebrations that could be thrown instead of another wedding, perhaps maybe a much less expensive Valentine’s Day Party with a few couples! If a couple has reception after reception though it may look like it’s a weep for presents! That wouldn’t be excellent!
I’ve heard of some people doing that. Honestly, I reckon a lot of basic life considerations force people to have two weddings. For example, say you just got laid off, and had to take a different job with lower pay and no benefits. In other words, you lose your health insurance. Then say your fiance has insurance at his/her job, but they’ll only cover spouses. You need health insurance terrible. So you go to the courthouse and get it done, but still plot the regular wedding later.
In a recession, this might be a common scenario, where people need the benefits of marriage but can’t yet afford the wedding. Correspondingly, if you’re in financial straights, paying for a wedding is a really BAD thought. But why should anyone give up on their dream to have a nice wedding just because the economy tanked? So when things get better, they have the wedding they wanted.
I knew one couple who got married much sooner than expected because they were in the Air Force and about to be stationed several states apart. The military will usually station married couples together, so they got married at the court house. They had the “real” wedding a year later.
I don’t reckon it’s incorrect if people do this, considering so many life benefits hinge on being married (my husband and I might have considered it if his company hadn’t offered health insurance to domestic partners… my job didn’t offer it at all). Though I do reckon it’s smarter if the couple keeps their court house marriage to themselves, at least until after the “for show” wedding.
It’s rude and I agree with your family. The point of having a wedding reception is to celebrate your wedding union, your vows, your nuptials! The date you say those vows is your wedding day! That’s the day that you invite everyone to celebrate and that’s when you have your party.
It’s so selfish and honestly, somewhat low-class, to do the whole shotgun, courthouse, let’s just-get it over with thing and then choose that you want all the hoopla and attention months or even years later.
I don’t see the second wedding as a gift grab, but more as wanting to be attention w*ores. You get one wedding and you should plot that accordingly.
If you can’t afford a certain vision for your wedding, then you have two options: 1) You postpone your wedding until you’re more financial stable or 2) You act like an adult, realize that life isn’t always honest and plot a full wedding day (ceremony/reception) with a budget you’re able to afford and go on!
The only time it’s appropriate to do a ceremony separate from a wedding is in the case of a destination wedding; but, even with that, there are certain rules.
I attended a reception for a couple that got married in Aruba last summer. The reception was done the weekend after they arrived home from their trip and it was hosted (as indicated on the invite) by the mother of the bride. It was also very small, only about 50 people and it was a brunch reception.
Clearly, the mother wanted everyone that could not attend (I was invited to the destination wedding, but couldn’t attend for financial reasons) to be able to celebrate. It clearly was not about the gifts or the attention, but about sharing the moment with everyone. The bride was so laid-back about it, she wore her wedding dress for only half the reception and then changed into a more comfortable sundress to mingle with guests.
This may be a “new trend” among certain people who reckon it’s OK to always be the center of attention and for their family and friends that allow them to act this way and not reckon anything negatively about it. It also does hurt people, because it’s start to change people’s way of thinking. What are we teaching the younger generation about marriage, manners and polite behavior? We’re teaching them it’s OK to grab attention and be selfish.
But, anyone with a shred of manners, will know that this is not appropriate and it’s not even a special way to celebrate your wedding. Why would you want to be married for months or even years and then celebrate your wedding. I’d be over the celebrating party by then and moving on to something more vital, like buying my first house or having my first baby.
I wouldn’t say it is a new trend for couples to feel less than satisfied with the boilerplate, small, impersonal marriage ceremony they had at the courthouse. While going that route may have seemed a excellent thought at the time, the reality of a courthouse wedding has always left couples who then realise there were other possibilities feeling small-changed. As couples now tend to be older, and the trend is more and more for the couple to be funding their own wedding rather than relying on their parents for funds, they do now have much more freedom to throw themselves a “do-over” – ceremony and reception at a later date, so it is no surprise that more couples are doing so.
Hi. You question….who is it hurting?
Answer: no one.
But….how in the world can you have 2 weddings? I mean….the “quickie” at the courthouse or JOP IS a “wedding.”
Question to you: Why do people differentiate between a JOP “wedding” and what others call a “real” wedding?
Answer: There is no difference. The only rational answer is that they want to be a “princess for the day.”
So they get “caught up in the moment” as you say. So be it. Then they should live with their choice. Which IS a choice that they made! Do modern brides not reckon that any of us mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. were just as in like and “caught up in the moment” as they are? But we patiently waited during our engagement and were then married.
Question: What other event in your life do you get to have a “do-over” for?
Answer: Nothing.
I never had a high school graduation party or a college graduation party (MY choice). But does that mean that now…years later….I should have one? NO. And, it IS the same thing. It is a do-over no matter what anyone says.
And, yes, it is disturbingly getting to be a new trend. One that needs to go away.
And, NO, I am not “ancient fashioned.” There is a difference between “traditions” and common etiquette. If bride’s don’t know the difference, then they are far too young to be married.
The people who are doing this are acting out of a basic inability to distinguish actual meaningful events from meaningless show and fantasy. There may indeed be an increasing trend for that inability to pervade the American public: it certainly shows up in politics where we prefer empty promises to realistic executive decisions; and in the credit crisis where we prefer long-term debt and shaky security to solid investing; and in fashion where we prefer modern sizing that refers to a size 22 as a size 14, to admitting that we are part of the epidemic of obesity.
The few people for whom a legal ceremony or a religious service are meaningful, recognize that as their “wedding”, and that any subsequent huge party is just a huge party. The only people who get two or more *real* weddings, are those who have been widowed or divorced.
We are considering doing the 2 wedding thing. My fiance is from “back east” and I am from Colorado. We both have family that can’t travel, but we very much ewant them to be part of our wedding. it isn’t about gifts or needing to be married “right now”…it’s the fact that we want the people we like to celebrate our like with us, and if they can’t come to us…then we will go to them.
i agree with Libby. There are all different kinds of situations. For example I live thousands of miles away from my family. We plot on having one here where my boyfriends’ family lives then going to my home state for my family. Neither families can afford to travel back and forth.
So wheither its really called 2 weddings I don’t really know. I want to be honest to both families, this is the only way I find that works for us economically. Oh and the real kicker is my boyfriends’ son just got his certificate online to be an ordained minister so we may consider him marrying us as a financial solution. In ancient bible times all a poor couple had to do was come up with a pair of turtle doves. Times have definately changed.