The few people for whom a legal ceremony or a religious service are meaningful, recognize that as their “wedding”, and that any subsequent huge party is just a huge party. The only people who get two or more *real* weddings, are those who have been widowed or divorced.

But….how in the world can you have 2 weddings? I mean….the “quickie” at the courthouse or JOP IS a “wedding.”

Question to you: Why do people differentiate between a JOP “wedding” and what others call a “real” wedding?

Answer: There is no difference. The only rational answer is that they want to be a “princess for the day.”

So they get “caught up in the moment” as you say. So be it. Then they should live with their choice. Which IS a choice that they made! Do modern brides not reckon that any of us mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. were just as in like and “caught up in the moment” as they are? But we patiently waited during our engagement and were then married.

Question: What other event in your life do you get to have a “do-over” for?
Answer: Nothing.

I never had a high school graduation party or a college graduation party (MY choice). But does that mean that now…years later….I should have one? NO. And, it IS the same thing. It is a do-over no matter what anyone says.

And, yes, it is disturbingly getting to be a new trend. One that needs to go away.

And, NO, I am not “ancient fashioned.” There is a difference between “traditions” and common etiquette. If bride’s don’t know the difference, then they are far too young to be married.

It’s so selfish and honestly, somewhat low-class, to do the whole shotgun, courthouse, let’s just-get it over with thing and then choose that you want all the hoopla and attention months or even years later.

I don’t see the second wedding as a gift grab, but more as wanting to be attention w*ores. You get one wedding and you should plot that accordingly.

If you can’t afford a certain vision for your wedding, then you have two options: 1) You postpone your wedding until you’re more financial stable or 2) You act like an adult, realize that life isn’t always honest and plot a full wedding day (ceremony/reception) with a budget you’re able to afford and go on!

The only time it’s appropriate to do a ceremony separate from a wedding is in the case of a destination wedding; but, even with that, there are certain rules.

I attended a reception for a couple that got married in Aruba last summer. The reception was done the weekend after they arrived home from their trip and it was hosted (as indicated on the invite) by the mother of the bride. It was also very small, only about 50 people and it was a brunch reception.

Clearly, the mother wanted everyone that could not attend (I was invited to the destination wedding, but couldn’t attend for financial reasons) to be able to celebrate. It clearly was not about the gifts or the attention, but about sharing the moment with everyone. The bride was so laid-back about it, she wore her wedding dress for only half the reception and then changed into a more comfortable sundress to mingle with guests.

This may be a “new trend” among certain people who reckon it’s OK to always be the center of attention and for their family and friends that allow them to act this way and not reckon anything negatively about it. It also does hurt people, because it’s start to change people’s way of thinking. What are we teaching the younger generation about marriage, manners and polite behavior? We’re teaching them it’s OK to grab attention and be selfish.

But, anyone with a shred of manners, will know that this is not appropriate and it’s not even a special way to celebrate your wedding. Why would you want to be married for months or even years and then celebrate your wedding. I’d be over the celebrating party by then and moving on to something more vital, like buying my first house or having my first baby.

In a recession, this might be a common scenario, where people need the benefits of marriage but can’t yet afford the wedding. Correspondingly, if you’re in financial straights, paying for a wedding is a really BAD thought. But why should anyone give up on their dream to have a nice wedding just because the economy tanked? So when things get better, they have the wedding they wanted.

I knew one couple who got married much sooner than expected because they were in the Air Force and about to be stationed several states apart. The military will usually station married couples together, so they got married at the court house. They had the “real” wedding a year later.

I don’t reckon it’s incorrect if people do this, considering so many life benefits hinge on being married (my husband and I might have considered it if his company hadn’t offered health insurance to domestic partners… my job didn’t offer it at all). Though I do reckon it’s smarter if the couple keeps their court house marriage to themselves, at least until after the “for show” wedding.

I heard of the two-wedding scenario lately watching one of the many wedding shows now in production (I reckon I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress”), and the couple had a destination wedding and then were home and plotting to have the “huge” reception with friends and family.

I guess there are tons of reasons why people WOULD in fact have the “multiple” wedding scenarios, two of which you mentioned (not enough money at the time of the “first” wedding, and the pregnancy being the reason for the second couple). I reckon it’s sweet to do the vowl renewal when a couple hits a certain milestone, although I reckon it should be perhaps much smaller than the first wedding, and if the couple has children, I reckon it would be sweet to have them being an active part of the vowl renewal.

As far as who the “second wedding is hurting”, I agree that it doesn’t hurt anyone, and if a couple want to have a million and a half weddings, more power to them! I do reckon there are other parties and celebrations that could be thrown instead of another wedding, perhaps maybe a much less expensive Valentine’s Day Party with a few couples! If a couple has reception after reception though it may look like it’s a weep for presents! That wouldn’t be excellent!

Are more and more people doing this? Not that I know of. Certainly not amongst my family and friends. If someone marries at the courthouse, they usually have a reception sometime later and I’m fine with that. If someone was having a do-over, as you describe, I wouldn’t attend. You get ONE wedding (to that person).

As to ‘who does it hurt?’ It tells younger people that marriage is all about the ‘wedding’. A fluffy party. Huh? I thought the focus was on marriage?

I don’t quite know the “I just can’t wait to be married” or “I can’t afford it so lets do a JOP and wait a year or more and have the huge white wedding”. If people are open about it, I don’t reckon it is a huge deal or that it is really ‘hurting’ anyone, I just don’t see what the harm is in waiting until you can afford it.