First οf аll, thіѕ іѕ nοt аn attack lіkе mοѕt post lіkе thіѕ. I аm јυѕt curious аbουt bi-racial couples аnd nο one seems tο want tο аnѕwеr mу qυеѕtіοnѕ. Mу father, whο іѕ black, іѕ аbουt tο marry a white women. I really don’t know hοw tο feel аbουt іt… Maybe іf I knew more аbουt Bi-racial couples It wουld hеlр mе bе аblе tο coupe wіth thіѕ.
Sο I hаνе a few qυеѕtіοnѕ thаt іf аnѕwеrеd wουld really hеlр mе know biracial couples аnd families.
1.) If a black man marries a white women dοеѕ HER family treat hіm different? Or thеіr mixed kids?
2.) Hοw dο уου coupe wіth thе ѕtаrеѕ аnd whispers? Mу father, Sheryl(hіѕ white girlfriend) аnd I wеnt out tο dinner аnd everyone wаѕ starring – іt wаѕ horrible…
3.) Dο уουr mixed (Biracial) kids еνеr qυеѕtіοn уου аbουt thеіr rасе?
4.) Dο white women whο date black men dеѕріѕе black women οr аrе intimidated bу thеm?
5.) If уου аrе a white women whο hаѕ half black kids thаt look more black thаn white аrе уου worried people wіll rесkοn thеу аrе nοt уουr kids?
6.) Black men – dο уου gеt grief frοm уουr family fοr dating a white women – I know fοr a fact mу Dad dіd.
7.) Arе уου еνеr ashamed аbουt being a biracial couple? Bе hοnеѕt! Mу father didn’t even tеll mе hе wаѕ dating hеr fοr 5 months!
8.) White women – dο уου еνеr rесkοn уουr black husband οr boyfriend іѕ ashamed οf уου?
9.) White women- іf уου hаνе a mixed child thаt hаѕ kinky hair dο уου take hеr/hіm tο a black salon οr a white salon? οr nеіthеr?
10.) Arе уου еνеr worried thаt уουr kids won’t look lіkе уου? Mοѕt mixed kids don’t look lіkе еіthеr οf thеіr parents.
11.) White women – аrе уου еνеr frightened οr don’t want tο attend уουr black husbands family reunion? аnd Vice-Versa? Whу?
12.) If уου hаνе аn extended family whеrе thе white women already hаѕ white children аnd thе black man already hаѕ black children аnd thеn уου hаνе a mixed child together… whаt іѕ thаt lіkе? Dο thе kids gеt along? Dο уου keep уουr kids seperated?
13.) White women – іf уουr mixed child сhοѕе tο bе more “black” such аѕ wear black clothes styles, black hair styles, аnd listen οnlу tο black music, dο уου feel lіkе thеу аrе abandoning уουr side οr уουr rасе?
14.) Dο уου еνеr feel lіkе уουr kids аrе ashamed οf уου bесаυѕе οf уουr rасе?
15.) Last qυеѕtіοn… Whу dіd уου сhοοѕе tο date outside οf уουr rасе? Mу Mother аnd Father hаνе bееn divorced fοr six years аnd thіѕ іѕ thе first time hе hаѕ dated outside hіѕ rасе… whісh іѕ аmυѕіng tο mе bесаυѕе іt seems lіkе аll black men аrе thеѕе days. I саn’t hеlр bυt tο feel lіkе thіѕ іѕ јυѕt a trend… sorry.
If уου wеrе affended bу аnу οf thes qυеѕtіοnѕ I seriously apologize. Bυt remember іn a few months I wіll hаνе a white step-mother. I аm οnlу asking thеѕе qυеѕtіοnѕ bесаυѕе I want tο bе prepared. Thіѕ whole thing feels wierd. I саn οnlу imagine whаt thе wedding wіll bе lіkе. If уου mixed couples сουld аnѕwеr јυѕt a few οf thеѕе qυеѕtіοnѕ іt wουld truely hеlр mе know whаt іtѕ lіkе tο bе іn a extended biracial family. Thank уου.
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Yes, to all of the above. Excellent and straight forward questions.
I am colorblind….I did not even consider race whem making my choice.
wow that was a lot of questions. We like who we like it doesn’t matter about race or age or whatever. My kids are mixed I like them with all my heart you are worrying too much about this and I can tell you there will always be someone in the crowd who will want to cause problems or make comments(black and white)but your like holds you together. and when you spend so much time thinking and worrying about this it will always APPEAR that it is happening to you(other people starring etc,) I personally have never had a problem with anyone because of the race difference but I know people who do and they are people who feel they have to defend even before an objection arises in other words they see things that are not really there. Your father waited 5 months to tell you not because he is ashamed or worried about what family thinks but because you just don’t drag every person you date (as a adult) into your family that is reserved for the one that is special to you and the one they feel is going to be in their life.
I’m assuming you’re American and I know things are different there from in New Zealand, where race doesn’t play a huge part, also I am a white woman living with a Filipino man for about 2 years (I notice that you seem to define biracial as white with black, I guess because that’s your situation) but I’ll answer according to my life and I hope it helps.
1. My family don’t treat him differently- they really like him, a lot better than they liked any other boyfriends. But Mum did have reservations when she first heard he was Filipino, I guess because of her own stereotypes. But she met him and it was all fine.
2.) Once again, in NZ there aren’t stares or whispers. I feel really sad that people still do that where you are!
3.) No kids yet, but we intend to raise our children to be aware of both cultures, languages and traditions.
4.) Only very shallow, closeminded white women- you really can’t generalise about that I don’t reckon.
5.) I wouldn’t care what people thought or what my kids looked like, they would be my babies and I would like them to pieces.
6.) As far as I know, my partner doesn’t get grief.
7.) No
8.) Certainly not
9.) That is a really shallow question. You take them where they want their damn hair cut!
10.) Once again, my kids will be mine and I’ll like them. A lot of white kids don’t look like their parents, same for black, asian….
11.) I don’t like to hang out with his community too much because the language thing is hard and it gives me a headache when my mind has to concentrate on translating for hours at a time- nt a problem for you guys.
12.) N/A
13.) I would possibly feel a small inferior and feel like I couldn’t fit in because I was white, but I would get over it.
14.) N/A
15.) I didn’t choose to “date outside my race” I met a guy, fell in like with him, went in with him. He just happened to have different coloured skin and eyes than I do.
You clearly have some misgiving about your Dad’s relationship, and we are not the people to discuss it with- I would probably recommend family counselling, or at least talking with your father.
But reckon to yourself: do you really even know this woman, or is it her skin you don’t like? She didn’t wake up one day and reckon, “hey, I will be caucasian!” I like to reckon that the world has went forward a bit- don’t you?
Pleased Labor Day!!
First, you have a myriad of questions that unfortunately cannot all be addressed in this forum. I will try to give you a small insight. I am African American my significant other of 2 years is Jewish. It is my belief (and it’s ok to disagree) that people are people and know one knows his or her own fate–you can work hard to have that ‘Captian of Your own Ship’ theory…but people fall in like for right complex reasons. There are too many nuances to minimize it to ‘race’ alone.
It is also my belief that whenever ‘race’ is made an issue in ones personal like life–you are perpetuating racism. Keep with me, but by posing the aforementioned questions–it sends a shock wave of inferiority throughout races. No race is better than the other–we are all “people.” And when people make race the highlight of any relationship, it has undertones that one race is deemed better than the other.
Who cares if people stare when you are out dining? You pay taxes, a mortgage, and are socially responsible, right? So sit down and eat, laugh, and like. It takes 2 secure people, is what it takes. Your father may not even be able to articulate why he has chosen to date outside of his race, perhaps he can–it’s not your job to worry about the what, when, whys, or who–your job as his son is to like him unconditionally–what if he were gay and came out, would you like him any less?
Delight in life. Life is small. But life is BIG, we minimize life with all of these imbedded ingnorant attitudes. Honestly, you are not acting any better than those who may “stare and gawk, or gasp” at dinner.
Furthermore, next year this time you may be back on these same boards asking about Asian traditions because you have fallen in like with someone Japanese, Chinese, or Korean–we have no way of knowing. Practice Karma–be pleased for your father if he is pleased, as happiness begets happiness…..hopefully for your own life.
Live.Like.Learn.
you can’t help who you like. You have to realize that there are a lot of pieple in this world that have small minds. You have to know that you have a fantastic capacity for like and understanding than those people, and if they can’t see it, then that is their propblem. I am white, and am married to a Mexican. If i would be ashamed of our kids, then I wouldn’t have married him. he is a fantastic husband, and is not like the typical mexican husbands that i have heard about. We have a modern relationship that works for us, based on mutual understanding, respect and like. BOth our familes have completely accepted the relationship, and frankly I usually forget that we are biracial.
People who date or marry someone different from their race or culture. Normally are not bothered by what others reckon or say. Because they see people as equals. They don’t see them as white or black. To them that is just different color skin.
I reckon, honestly, a lot of your questions apply to any marriage, not just biracial ones.
I’ve been dating a black man for over six years now, we’re plotting to get married. Granted, 6 years is a lot more than 6 months, but it has given our families time to adjust. They like me just fine, though I know in the beginning they were concerned about him dating a white girl. My family too — my dad is stubborn, but its more to do with my fiance’s financial state than his race.
I look forward to biracial kids — but of course i’m worried. I’m worried just the same if I had full on Caucasian kids. “I hope she doesn’t get my nose” “I hope he gets his height.”
It takes time, really.
1.) If a black man marries a white women does HER family treat him different? Or their mixed kids?
(This is my situation, and at first my parents weren’t excited about it, because they believed stereotypes, but once they got to know my husband and realized he is a wonderful man, they got over all that and like him like their son.)
2.) How do you coupe with the stares and whispers? My father, Sheryl(his white girlfriend) and I went out to dinner and everyone was starring – it was horrible… (We don’t even notice them for the most part, I’m sure we get them, but haven’t noticed. Only once have we noticed it, a black woman was glaring at me and my husband while visiting his home in PA, and we just chose to give her a show and kiss lol… silly immature us. Only other issue with people was my own sister who when I started dating my husband to be, she was dating a skinhead….. fun huh….. and driving through Arkansas, yeah not a fantastic thought I guess for us LOL).
3.) Do your mixed (Biracial) kids ever question you about their race? (Yes they have, and we just tell them they are our mixie kids, and that they are half of each of us, so they are perfect the way they are.)
4.) Do white women who date black men despise black women or are intimidated by them? (No on both accounts, I don’t dislike anyone unless they do something to me, least of all because of their skin color. And as for intimidated, why would I be, unless the lady has a gun, I’m not frightened of them…. to be frightened of someone because they are black…. really??)
5.) If you are a white women who has half black kids that look more black than white are you worried people will reckon they are not your kids? (I’m not worried of it, though it has happened. I’ve been told by strangers I look like my daughters babysitter. My son looks “white”, but my daughter is “brown” so she’s the only one someone has said anything about, though I do get questioned ALOT of my son is my husbands kid….. pisses me off!!!)
6.) Black men – do you get grief from your family for dating a white women – I know for a fact my Dad did. (My hubby has never mentioned it….. )
7.) Are you ever ashamed about being a biracial couple? Be honest! My father didn’t even tell me he was dating her for 5 months! (Why would I be? My husband is an incredible man, who likes me and provides for us and is a wonderful father, he’s a loving husband and his race has NEVER been an issue for me, I’m not ashamed of him, if anything I’m proud of him)
8.) White women – do you ever reckon your black husband or boyfriend is ashamed of you? (No, my husband has always been proud to show me off…. can’t figure out why but he is, and I like him for it, makes me feel excellent )
9.) White women- if you have a mixed child that has kinky hair do you take her/him to a black salon or a white salon? or neither? (I take then to a kid salon right now…. but we have got to a store for ethnic hair and found some fantastic stuff, Mixed Chicks, that helps her hair.)
10.) Are you ever worried that your kids won’t look like you? Most mixed kids don’t look like either of their parents. (My kids look like both of us, their features are a mix of us both, we don’t determine who they look like just on their skin color…. they got the best of both of us )
11.) White women – are you ever frightened or don’t want to attend your black husbands family reunion? and Vice-Versa? Why? (My husband was adopted by a white family so I don’t reckon this question really counts for me)
12.) If you have an extended family where the white women already has white children and the black man already has black children and then you have a mixed child together… what is that like? Do the kids get along? Do you keep your kids seperated? (doesn’t apply to me)
13.) White women – if your mixed child chose to be more “black” such as wear black clothes styles, black hair styles, and listen only to black music, do you feel like they are abandoning your side or your race? (first off how do you dress black? And second, no, if my kids want to embrace their one race over the other, fine, they have to feel comfortable in their skin, but so far, again race isn’t an issue for us, in how they act or dress or what they call themselves.)
14.) Do you ever feel like your kids are ashamed of you because of your race? (No, not at all)
15.) Last question… Why did you choose to date outside of your race? My Mother and Father have been divorced for six years and this is the first time he has dated outside his race… which is amusing to me because it seems like all black men are these days. I can’t help but to feel like this is just a trend… sorry. (I met my husband, and never once questioned “what are you” because to me, he was just gorgeous. We talked and had a lot in common, and so we chose to start dating. He’s always dated “white” girls, just because that’s what he liked, not for a trend, and when I met him I just really liked him, again, not for a trend)