Dο уου rесkοn registering аnd sending out cards wіth thе invitations mаkеѕ people feel lіkе thеу ѕhουld bυу something? Wе already live together іn mу parents ancient house аnd hаνе thеіr ancient stuff. Wе wουld lіkе ѕοmе nеw things аnd want tο register tο give people аn thουght οf whаt wе want. I јυѕt don’t want people tο feel lіkе thеу hаνе tο bυу υѕ something. Bυt thеrе аrе people whο wіll bυу something nο matter whаt ѕο wе mіght аѕ well lеt thеm know whаt wе want. I аm putting a card іn wіth thе invitations wіth directions аnd such. Shουld insay please don’t feel obligated tο bυу something? Hοw ѕhουld I word іt?
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“For guests who wish to bring a gift, So and So are registered at Macy’s”
That’s how I would word it. Gift registries are so common now that only the much older generations will even give it a second thought so it’s probably not a huge deal to just place the information on there.
Registering is one thing. Sending out cards with the invitations is quite another.
Sending out registry cards doesn’t make people feel like they should buy something. It makes them feel like YOU *expect* something — and that the gift they want to buy will be that much less appreciated because of your expectations. Place the small cards in the recycling where they belong. The stores who provide these things are taking advantage of your innocence to increase their sales quota.
Your registry is your own business — it is for you. Registries started with the brilliant service departments in established reputable department stores, helping people keep track of the sizes and patterns they had already selected, so that they could replace or complete missing pieces as inventory came and went. What registries were typically used for (and still are, by the few stores that still keep to ancient standards and the few people who still appreciate those standards) was to allow YOU to plot the heirloom-quality fine china, crystal, silver and linens that YOU plot to buy (for yourself) and incorporate into your home over the long term.
If you take that approach to your registry, then anyone who “stumbles” across it — and if they truly do want to “buy something no matter what” they *will* stumble across it, usually by asking you about it — will get an insight into what you want, without them feeling place-upon. If you, and your mom and bridesmaids, casually mention that “of course, she can’t get everything all at once, but she’s thought out what she wants so that she can buy it for herself as she affords it” you can reinforce that thought that, but expensive or inexpensive the items in your registry are, you are NOT “expecting” your guests to be responsible for providing them. And that thought is what will ensure people don’t feel obligated to buy something.
You do not place this in with the wedding invitations. Poor taste and terrible wedding etiquette, Peggy Post, Emily’s daughter. For showers, it is o.k. to list registries, but NOT in wedding invitations. These people are your guests and they are not obligated to give you a gift, although most of them are nice enough to do so. Say thank you with a smile and be thankful for what you get. Most people, but, after having said that, will know the situation and may question your Mom or MOH or someone for hints and/or will probably give money as they have no thought what you do have and don’t. But you cannot question for anything in the wedding invites, not done.
most are going to buy you something no matter what & the only thing that will happen by NOT putting the card in is having people call you, your wedding party, and your parents and question where you are registered
it makes people feel excellent to give gifts, and if they can’t afford it most will just give you something small…and it feels a lot better to give a small gift off of the registry rather than a really small check
make sure you offer lots of small things & let people feel excellent about sharing your happiness by giving you things you’ll use in your life together
If you want to avoid the etiquette mess of this, a lot of people have wedding websites where they keep their registries. Include the web address of the wedding website in a separate enclosure — you could also add that the website has directions, suggested places to stay, etc.
A lot of people do include a small separate enclosure listing their registries with their invites these days — although they do not usually print any information right on the invitation.
This is a hard question because people really reckon it is rude to do this, but not including any registry information is a left-over from days when families and communities were closer together, kept in contact more, and weddings were smaller. Traditionally guests are supposed to contact the bride’s mother to question where the couple are registered, but how many of your friends know your mom’s number?
Most people who attend a wedding do buy gifts. When I get invitations with an insert I reckon of it as a suggestion, not a requirement, and I’m much more pleased having the information on where people are registered rather than hunting it down.
I would go with the website thought if this is particularly sensitive — it’s a excellent middle ground.