A lot οf thе qυеѕtіοnѕ I see аrе аbουt hοw tο gеt уουr guests tο pay! It seems lіkе thе trend ѕhουld shift, rіght?
Dіd уου qυеѕtіοn guests tο pay fοr anything аt уουr wedding?
Dіd уουr bridesmaids hеlр pay fοr anything οthеr thаn thеіr dresses?
I rесkοn іt’s kind οf tacky – fοr lack οf a better word. Nο, maybe thаt іѕ thе rіght word fοr asking уουr party/guests tο hеlр provide fοr thе party thеу′re invited tο. Whаt аrе уουr thουghtѕ?
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- Did you, or will you, have a money dance at your wedding?
- How do you deal with rude/awkward questions after getting engaged?
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If a couple wants to get married they should pay for it all.
If you were invited to a birthday party for someone.. would you be okay with the “party thrower” to say:
Ok come to my party and bring me a present and 40 dollars so I don’t go broke?
Would you even go?
I wouldn’t go if i was questioned to pay for a wedding.. and yes tacky is the right word.. along with spoiled.. selfish.. narcissistic.
Guests didn’t pay for anything at our wedding. We paid for half the bridesmaid dresses and paid for part of the tuxedo rental for the wedding party.
We tried to discourage people from giving us gifts and set up charity registries in addition to a couple of store registries trying to get people to give money to a cause we cared about instead of giving us things.
It seems that some brides expect the wedding gift to equal what they spent on the guest. We viewed it as a simple celebration that we wanted them to be at and didn’t focus on what each guest was “costing” us to attend.
My feeling is that a wedding is not a necessity just like a birthday party, anniversary party isn’t either. If you can’t afford to have one then you don’t. We did not question guests to pay for anything. I questioned bridesmaids to pay for their dresses but they were able to wear whatever shoes they wanted and were not told they had to get hair or makeup done. Some chose to anyway and paid for it themselves.
The only time that I can see guests providing anything is a potluck wedding – and that isn’t that common (I’ve only heard of it involving a couple where the groom is about to be deployed). Wedding guests can be expected to pay for their own clothing and parking (if there is a charge). If you choose to have a cash bar, that is also their option to pay (nobody NEEDS to have alcohol at a wedding).
These days, bridesmaids are hit up to pay for holding the shower, bachelorette party and all sorts of other stuff. That is why I refuse to be in a wedding party – it isn’t just the cost of the dress and/or shoes.
Yes, it’s still rude … but it also depends on the circumstances. It is never appropriate for the bride and groom to question the guests to pay for their own meal at a wedding reception, or to expect them to pay an entrance fee to get into your venue. But, I do reckon it’s fine to have a cash bar if the bar is provided by the venue (for example, a hotel bar). But the couple should not buy alcohol and then sell it to their guests.
As far as when I believe it IS appropriate to question guests to pitch in – when a couple is having a backyard reception, I reckon it is perfectly acceptable to have a potluck style reception where the couple provides the main dish and questions guests to bring a side dish or dessert in place of a gift. After all, a excellent guest would never show up to a BBQ empty handed. A backyard reception could be looked at as just another family gathering, in which the family all helps out. This is different than a couple throwing an elaborate party with fancy catering that is beyond their financial means, and then asking guests to pay for it.
No, it is never right to question your guests to pay for anything at a wedding- this is a wedding, not a BYOB keg party! (And even if it were a BYOB keg party, you would still presumably expect the host to provide the chips and dip, you know?)
The word “guests” implies that they are being treated to a lovely evening of food, drink, and music provided by you, in celebration of your marriage. In exchange, most guests will reciprocate with a very nice gift, but that is also technically optional. Some people reckon of their weddings as really huge, fancy cash grabs, where they see dollar signs on their guests’ heads and use the opportunity to get as much money as they can, but it shouldn’t be that way. If you can’t afford a large number of guests, simply reduce the guest list to a number you can comfortably afford, or serve light hors d’ouevres instead of a full meal.
I reckon a guest should be able to reasonably delight in the evening without having to pay for anything. So, if they are invited to a dinner with cake and dancing. They should not have to pay for those three things. So no asking them to pay for their meal. If they are invited to a potluck, the point is to bring food so obviously they would be paying for and bringing food.
I reckon brides question this because everyone is so budget conscious so they are trying everyway to save money. I reckon they still know it isn’t quite right and that is why they question. If they thought it was fully acceptable then they would just do it.
So, in saying all that, if a guest was invited to a dinner, cake and dance I reckon it would be reasonable that the bride and groom doesn’t cover the cost of alcoholic drinks, valet or parking, a fee to request songs from the DJ, tranportation, etc. They don’t need those things to delight in the evening.
It is a cultural thing. Some cultures reckon it is tacky some do not.
In this modern age where the Father of the Bride is not expected to pay for the wedding and the couple usually end up paying for it themselves, it is normal to have friends help out.
You said it Hon…..you do Not expect your guests to help provide for or pay for a party you have invited them too.
no the trend shouldn’t shift. if you want to celebrate with your family and friends, you should at least buy them a meal. when I reckon of the thousands of dollars I have spent attending weddings and being a bridesmaid- 20+ weddings in my life!- I’m sure I could have a down payment on a house if I hadn’t gone to all those weddings. if I had to pay for my own meal on top of that? then I wouldn’t have gone to most of them.
the bride and groom probably rarely break even or make money on their wedding, but the thought for guests is to bring a gift you reckon will equal what the bride and groom are paying to feed you at the reception. so technically the guests ARE paying to go to the wedding, because they can’t show up empty handed!
and hello! bridesmaids pay for tons of stuff beside their dress! hair makeup nails shoes travel hotel, paying for hosting the shower and shower AND wedding gifts. outfit for the rehearsal dinner, unpaid time off work, etc etc etc.
I guess we see different questions because I have never seen anyone post a question about guest paying for things at the bride and groom wedding. I have seen a question pertaining to wedding rehearsal dinner at restaurants or some bride asking for a maid of honor or bridesmaid to do way too much for her day.
I would never question my bridal party to go over their limit. Matter of fact, I am thinking of not having attendees stand up for both my fiance and I. I am thinking about our future after our wedding more than anything.
I have not been to a wedding where I was ASKED to pay for anything. I but VOLUNTEERED to pay for things such as an alcoholic beverage at the hotels cash bar and I gave money to dance with the groom during the dollar dance. If there is a cash bar no one is MAKING you pay for a drink. If you don’t want one, don’t drink. No one questioned you to, you are choosing to choose that in order to have fun you want an alcoholic beverage. The bride and groom didn’t explicitly make everyone pay $10 upon arrival. Also for things like money dances again it is not required but optional so no one MADE you do it or even questioned you for that matter. I reckon people are so touchy on this issue when I choose to see it like this.
To the bride and groom: Thank you so much for inviting me to this vital event in your lives. You gave me the chance to watch you exchange vows, eat dinner in the company of friends and family, eat cake, dance to a fantastic DJ/band and have a ton of fun. I brought you a gift to help you start your new lives together. Best of luck.
Now I choose not to focus on what my hosts didn’t provide but what they did provide and I reckon that makes me a stand up person.
So no I am not asking my guests to pay for anything and all my bridesmaids paid for was their dress. Hair and make up is optional or they can do it if they want.
It is rude to question guests pay for a wedding reception because they are invited and honored guests. Is that any way to treat an honored guest? Hope not!
My contention is that if someone wants to spend to the moon for a huge fancy affair then that is their choice. They should NEVER expect someone else to pay for it. Same goes for the honeymoon. Who wants to pay for someone else to go to Paris or some exotic location just because they want to go there? How rude.
No dear one, despite the questions of those who want to question for money or other specific gifts – there is no way to do it nicely – or politely.
I for one would find it offensive to be questioned for X amount of money to pay for the wedding – and double for the honeymoon.
It’s a sad day when stupid, greedy, spoiled small people reckon they can get away with such rubbish.
My guests are GUESTS – - that means that they don’t have to pay for anything at my wedding. I am providing food, drinks (including full open bar), and entertainment.
My bridesmaids didn’t even pay for their dresses – I did!
Some people dont know the meaning of the words “guest” and “host”.
First of all, I will never know why this culture fetishises weddings the way we do. It’s a celebration, but it’s still just a party. You probably can’t expect people to pay for food or decorations, but I don’t reckon a cash bar is going to shock the world and bring the heavens raining down on you. Also, I’ve been to BYOB weddings and somehow the couple is still married and it was still fun.
Weddings, like people, come in all shapes, sizes and levels of formality. It might come as a shock to people, but some folks out there like the thought of a pot luck reception. And “tacky” (my least favorite word) is a complete subjective term used for anything that doesn’t look like it belongs on The Knot.
But, as it happens, my guests didn’t pay for anything at my wedding and my bridesmaids paid for their own hair and makeup in addition to dress and shoes.
I’m a DJ and I am the eyes and ears of an event.
I can tell you that if a person were to question their guests to pay their way in, the people would talk about the wedding… In a NEGATIVE way.
The couple shouldn’t go there.
It’s tacky!
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I personally reckon it is in very poor taste to invite someone to an event you are hosting (wedding, birthday party, whatever) and question those you’re inviting to pay their own way. That is selling tickets, not inviting people to celebrate in your significant moment with you.
I reckon it is much better to have the kind of wedding you can afford, and even if that isn’t much at all, if you’re creative, you can host a memorable and lovely wedding for very small money without having to sell tickets.
Nobody was questioned to pay for anything, and we also chose not to have a bridal party, so there was no expense of any real kind to anyone.
Once a guest has to pay for a single thing at the wedding, they are no longer a guest.
Bridesmaids are responsible for everything they wear except their flowers. If a bride has the extra cash to pay for everything so they don’t have to for as many attendants as she chooses to have, fantastic. But in general, that is part of the responsibility that you take on as a bridesmaid when you agree to the position. If you can’t afford it, sit down with the bride and tell her that you wish you could take the position but you aren’t financially able. But don’t go into debt for one day if you don’t have the money available. Alot of brides are understanding enough that they wouldn’t care if someone doesn’t have enough money and wants them there anyway by offering to pay their expenses, if that means cutting back somewhere else.
Btw, there are countless words that can be used instead of “tacky” that has completely lost its meaning because people throw it around so much. For example: rude, improper, etc.
tacky